The Horses Box

Champion's Plexi Bed Shocker

2012-02-05T20:59:00.000Z

Those f**king tabloids cannot give me a day off. This one is taken from another Metaverse Sunday Rag...

...not hours after Metaverse Wrestler Horses Morrisey had defeated Nanny Gothly in DCWF's Wrestlefest IV Slam-tacular Event, she was once again shaming herself, and again with a Metaverse Lifeguard.

Our Exclusive Photos show the couple hot at it, with the Plexi Awards Horses Morrisey had won earlier in the night also on the bed.

...our Photographer attempted to get a comment off the couple, but he tragically fell from his ladder to his death. He absolutely did not try to get at the couple, and they absolutely did not hit him on the head with a Plexi. The Plexi shaped dent in his head is from the surprise 4th Plexi that Horses won that nobody else knows about, which wasn't on the bed, but was by the Pool and that the Photographer landed on.

They make me sick. What I do with a lifeguard/doctor, Plexi awards, Bed and after winning the DCWF Women's Title for the first time in nearly 4 years is up to me. No barrel scraping Metaverse Tabloid is going to ruin it. Oh and the Photographer isn't dead, he just needs to Rebake... idiots!

Wrestlefest IV - 2 Days away

2012-02-02T05:19:00.000Z

We're just days away now from Wrestlefest IV. This Saturday I finally get my DCWF Women's Championship shot. A one-on-one PPV title shot against Nanny Gothly.

I've wrestled countless Wrestling matches in Second Life now, but this one will be the biggest. This is the biggest stage, the biggest prize and the greatest pressure.

The match is a "City Limits" match. This simply means there are No count-outs and the wrestlers are free to Wrestle anywhere in Slam City. The match can only be won using Pinfall or Submission and has to be won in the ring. The referee can also Disqualify a wrestler for using weapons or not using the World in its natural state - for example, it's legal to throw your opponent into a barrier, but it'd be illegal to break the barriers up and hit them with it. The title only changes hands with a pin or submission decision.

The build-up has been intense. Nanny is one of the best Wrestlers in the Metaverses. I've tried everything to get the upper-hand but early on she was stealing the show against me every week. At Blizzard, when it looked like I had the Championship won in the Elimination Chamber match, she kicked out, and then denied me my moment and Slammed me from the top of the Chamber. My next memory was opening my eyes, the ring bell going. I'd lost.

A few weeks later, On a Christmas Showdown we were having an exhibition match, I wanted to make an example out of her on the Entrance Pipes on the ramp at the old Arena. Instead she kicked me off them and then elbow dropped me from the top.

How many times does the Champion have to break me in half? But I was going to learn. So I decided i'd ground her. I attacked her during a Warzone in January. I de-bricked the 'infamous' Sidney Bear. I've destroyed a Knee of hers. I know she now claims it's recovered, but I know it's ruined.

I put Nanny on the shelf for weeks. In those weeks I went on an undefeated run. Beating Heidih, Tara and Misaki. But then she returned. She attacked me from behind. I noticed a limp.

Today during an unfortunate defeat to Scarlette, Nanny claimed she's fully recovered. She cannot be. I've got proof that her knee was destroyed only 4 weeks ago. I know she's an American Athlete, but even she wouldn't inject so much fruit juice into her Knee, that it'd grow a replacement within 4 weeks, and if she did, it'll probably crumble after a few kicks from me.

No. Nanny is finished. I am sure of it. Yes. I'm sure. No matter what she claims. This Saturday at Wrestlefest IV, in the City Limits match I will finally have my moment.

Don't miss the action. The days events start at 10:30 AM on Slam City, with the Wrestlefest PPV starting at Midday SLT.

Shame of Lap dancing Metaverse Wrestler

2011-12-30T01:49:00.000Z

A story appeared in a Metaverse tabloid during the week about a supposed lap dance I gave to a beach life guard. Here's the article taken from The Daily SLUN (A terrible tabloid newspaper)

Metaverse Wrestling Megastar Horses Morrisey was last night defending her reputation after she was snapped lap dancing for a bum Life Guard.

Morrisey - Real name: Donkey McHaggis - has only recently been released from HAWX funded drug rehabilitation, and had been understood to have made good progress. She'd even nearly beaten Louve McMahon once or twice.

These shocking SNAPS in today's Daily SLUN will be a huge blow to all of her fans who'd been supporting her recent comeback.

Metaverse Wrestling Superstar Horses Morrisey "Entertaining" in a different way

When we asked for comments, Miss Morrisey replied "Life Guard? Lap dancing? I know maybe one or two Life Guards and but i've never lap danced for them". When asked if she has lap danced for anyone recently and maybe she never realised he was a Lifeguard, she replied "No. Lap dancers are scum. Now get off my property".

I'm angry, fans. Firstly, "Shame of Lap Dancing Wrestler"! Get Lost. I'm jobbing to Lap Dancers most weeks. Also, my real name... Donna-Quay McHaragee. And the Quay is pronounced Quoi (like Pourquoi). Also, the entire story is made up. I only met him to discuss plans for New Year and we never drank any alcohol.

Oh.

Life Guard reveals all...
Metaverse Wrestling Superstar can drink 3 bottles of champaign an hour.
Metaverse Wrestling Superstar jokes about her drug use.
Metaverse Wrestling Superstar gave 11 lap dances in one evening.

See the Life Guard's uncensored pictures of the 11 lap dances behind The Daily SLUN's Paywall! Subscribe now. Just $L4500 Per Month.

The.... AGGHHHHH!

HAWX return "a massive triumph" only out-triumphed by the new Book launch

2011-12-14T01:47:00.000Z

It is true. I made my return to HAWX last weekend.
I was released by HAWX earlier in the year for many reasons. This past weekend I made my successful return! When I say successful... I lost. But I won because I was only there to sell a Book. I sold loads!! It's called Horses on Horses and it's all about my time before I was a wrestler. It's really great and everyone should buy it today.

My Brilliant New Book

Now I only lost because my opponent Tiesa - who is a cheat - hit me with the brilliant book. I'd be angry, but it's such a brilliant book, it was actually a privilege to be knocked clean out by it. Although I do still expect HAWX to fine Tiesa for it and to get an apology from her, or just maybe a positive review of the book. Not that it needs any extra positive reviews because it is excellent. Lots of feedback so far says so.

So yes, that's my successful return to HAWX. A new book out just in time for idiots to buy at Christmas and it's good, so buy it from all book stores in SL that sell my books. It costs whatever they're charging for it. I'm very fair in my pricing, but some bookstore keepers are unscrupulous bastards. I'm a huge supporter of Online bookstores and if I had my way i'd close high street bookstores tomorrow. Thieves the lot of them. SL is no different. Their markup is as fanciful as their social life... and mine. Alas. Horses on Horses. Hardback at Christmas. Paperback for Easter.

I have a message for Nanny

2011-12-04T18:44:00.000Z

Blizzard is over. Nanny successfully retained her DCWF Women's Championship. I was so close to winning the match and becoming Champion again.

Nanny thought she had won. She never knew I was still in the match. As I held onto the roof of the chamber to edge myself closer to her, I could see myself with the Championship. It's been nearly 4 years now since I won the Championship - That is too long.

As I pushed myself off the edge of the pod with my feet and moonsaulted down onto Nanny, crushing her onto the mat, I was the Champion. Right then I was the DCWF Womens Champion. The only thing that could stop me was time. Could I pin her in time? I swear I got up from that canvas and pinned her 1,2,3 at least twice before I finally moved. That delay is why I'm not sat here as Horses Morrisey - DCWF Women's Champion.

I'm not old and past it. These prims aren't too old to pick myself off the canvas to pin the champion. At Blizzard I lacked something i've lacked for the past 3 and a half years. I lacked career effort. I lacked focus. I lacked a target. I was still Lazy Horses. Sure I wanted the Championship, but Nanny WANTED the Championship. Someone who merely wants the Championship formulates a plan that involves hiding on a pod and striking at the end trying to win by surprise. Whereas someone who WANTS the Championship trains every day, fights every day and stays in the Ring, fighting every challenger.

Nanny, Congratulations on your successful defence at Blizzard. I really mean that. Had I won i'd have continued as Lazy Horses and probably lost it on Warzone. When you nearly killed me with a Voodoo Drop off the pod you changed me. You made me see I need to change if I WANT to be a Champion in DCWF. Thank you. I really mean that.

Nanny, I am not leaving your life. This is just the beginning.

Shit Gimmick Match - Flooded Kitchen Hell Sidney Bear on a pole match

2011-11-27T02:03:00.001Z

Stips = Traffic.
Remember
Stips = Traffic

Fire + Water + Not a basic ring + Not a pin fall + Foreign object = Lots of Traffic.
LOOK at the Photos and be amazed.

And we're ready for action here

Horses lands a punch (I think)

A devastating kick by Horses!

Both girls are up, fighting for the Sidney Bear

And it's Horses with the Dropkick, sending her opponent into the hell and water below.

Horses retrieves the Sidney Bear as her opponent suffers defeat.

Traffic. Absolute Traffic. Can you feel the boom period for Second Life just around the corner? No longer will this land of lag be overran with weirdos. No, this will be the catalyst for... no it won't.

Paper Champion

2011-11-26T02:09:00.001Z

Here's a short story on how I think it might work.


Horses and Paper Horses lock up

Lovely drop kick sends Paper Horses to the outside

Nasty Piledriver by Horses to Paper Horses

And a Legdrop by Horses...

Horses goes for the cover on Paper Horses. She only gets a 2 count. The referee gets an ear full of abuse.

Oh Horses took her eye off Paper Horses and Paper Horses attacks her with her massive head

Paper Horses straight up to the top turn buckle.

A flying splash by Paper Horses, crushing Horses and landing in a pinning position. 1.2.3. Paper Horses wins and retains her title.

Here is your winner. Paper Horses, the Paper Champion.

There we go. Oh and if the Paper Champion could look like someone else (if I had time to make a new one) It would.

Retro Horses

2011-11-25T03:52:00.001Z

It's Like the olden days of SLCW Arena are back again!

Horses Morrisey looking SpLendid in her Ice White Shirt, Cream Jodhpurs, Black Riding Boots, Riding Crop and Rubber Anger Thong. Also In photo - Hugely successful Slampoo and SLoup ventures.

Horses took literally 1 second out of her busy schedule to talk in the third person for this fucking annoying blog post. Here, this is the stuff she used to wear for wrestling. I might wear it again for the upcoming Blizzard PPV. The riding boots are a bit big though... shit third-person consistency... She might wear it again for the upcoming Blizzard PPV. The riding boots are a bit big though.

Obviously this great photo brings back great memories of Slampoo and SLoup. Two great products that are sadly no longer with us. I used to love washing my Prim hair, then whilst it was drying enjoying a nice SLoup. Hang on, I don't get paid to say this shit anymore. SLampoo was terrible. SLoup was horrible. Nobody misses them. Nobody.

So there we are then. Retro Horses gear. Great!

Shit Gimmick Match - Midnight Naked Barbed Wire Inferno

2011-11-24T22:46:00.000Z

You know me, always looking for the next epic/crap wrestling match, so imagine my utter excitement when I made this. It's a Midnight Naked Barbed Wire Inferno match. It's not for the faint of heart either!

Here's a few photos from the massively successful trial...

Stood, naked, in the middle of a burning ring with barbed wire ropes...

...this is starting to feel like a very dumb gimmick match.

Sat naked in fire and barbed wire (and not getting paid for it - dumb move)


Our Horsey Hero crawls away into the barbed wire inferno (dumb move)

Slightly (very) Burnt after the (dumb) event

So maybe not quite as successful as I originally said. I got very burnt. So out of 10 I give the Midnight Naked Inferno Barbed Wire "Look boobies" match 2/10. It's a shit idea. No Buys. No Traffic. Maybe a few noobs who'll jump into your ring and make your talent feel ordinary. Dumb idea really.

Wrestling career update

2011-06-27T21:23:00.003+01:00

Okay so I'm not dead.

I died, but I returned to life! I parted company - well they fired me for various reasons, I just blogged about earlier - with HAWX. I was going to retire but I wanted one last hurrah. So I applied to return to my wrestling birth place. I returned to DCWF (originally SLCW until Linden Lab made them change their name). It's good for me. Sure I lose every week, but that will change. I'm a bit rusty.

I've been back there a couple of months. As they say 'oop North "It's all Gravy". Apart from the losing bit. I've got a whole stock of ICOPRO on order though, that'll be my game changer.

Peace + Fuckin'

Horses.

HAWX fired me... the rotters

2011-06-27T20:33:00.000+01:00

HAWX fired me on the 17th of May 2011. These are the reasons they (Nanny) gave in a notecard which was distributed to basically everyone in the world (well maybe just HAWX groups).

It is with regret that we announce the release Horses Morrissey (Real name: Donkey McHaggis) from the roster.

It was well known that Horses had attended the company sponsored rehab program several times, resulting in the doctors at the clinic needing to attend the company sposored rehab.

Horses was found smuggling in weapons grade cannibis and Mitch Hosselhaff into the facility for a night of raving and lusty sex. She would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling kids.

While this was ok in the old sim, the owners of MetaMix Island decided this was too much and asked the promoters of HAWX (The name has been abbreviated now to remove the word "wrestling") to release Horses.

Horses is best known for her work with Nanny Gothly, and Elisa Riddler. Since holding the HAWX title, though, Horses had gotten grossly overweight and pimply, and rarely washed her hair, and coworkers said she smelled of kippers and fungus.

HAWX wishes Horses best in her future endeavors in TNA.

Let's correct a few wrongs here... basically that's all correct. Nanny, Never forget Horses :) ...

RIP Horses

2011-01-25T00:39:00.007Z

Horses Morrisey is dead. The Metaverses' Rose was found dead at her ocean side villa. It is believed she allowed a vacuum cleaner salesman to demonstrate their new upright bag-less model (Supa-Suck 890000) and she died of a massive bullshit trauma to the head and boredom. She was only 25 years of age. Horses leaves behind no family, but there is a small owl somewhere flying aimlessly around her inventory.

Horses is dead in this photo.

And she's still dead in this one.

Yep. She's dead alright.

Horses is most famous for her hugely unsuccessful haircare business ventures and high maintenance British Pubs. She once flung an innocent Horse & Biscuit pub visiting noob 800 metres in the air "for the hell of it". She will not be missed.

My 2010 Second Life Wrestling review.

2011-01-01T02:03:00.004Z

Ok here's my take of SL Wrestling in 2010. I'll start with myself - because i'm self obsessed of course! - and finish with some more general observations.

2010 for Horses Morrisey (the wrestler) was all about VWE and HAWX.

VWE highlights were getting shaved bald at the Overdrive FPV and my Hardcore match a few weeks later where I got absolutely battered. Awesome awesome match.

HAWX highlights have to be the drunk match against Nanny - I love you Nanny! - and the HAWX title tournament.

So my two favourite matches...

Horses vs Elisa Riddler - Hair vs Valet.
I've posted several times about this whole feud, but I struggle to describe properly how great Ely is. She is so talented and carried my Horsey bottom to some decent matches. I got killed by lag in the FPV match but the head shaving spot at the end was brilliant.

I'm not a proud women :) If doing something silly and embarrassing like walking around wearing a whale costume or wrestling in slime will get a crowd reaction then I'm up for that. The crowd's reaction to the shaving and the reactions when my riding helmet popped off in matches afterwards made walking around bald for 2 months absolutely worth it. Maybe its a cheap way to get a reaction, but my wrestling mostly sucks so it's the best way I know of getting over.

Horses vs Nanny - Drunk Match.
This is possibly my most favourite match (that i've been in!). Nanny is amazing. She'll go down in history as one of the best. This match was so much fun. I'm sure Wrestling snobs will rubbish it, but it was just so much fun. Sure some people will remember me as the girl who vomited everywhere, but what's wrong with that? Nanny is amazing. I felt we both did really well at acting drunk and I liked the cute falling asleep spots. What we did was different. Different can be brave and it can be stupid... but it's rarely forgettable.

Other memories of Second Life Wrestling in 2010.

VWE's Production Values
VWE must have higher production values than most RL Indy feds. It's amazing how much time, effort and money goes into producing logos, arenas and the shows.

OEW
Ok, I'll admit I have an alt called Dill Pooley. She wrestled 2 matches in OEW in the early days. They're good people. Their 'product' has changed so much since Dill wrestled her matches there. I always suffer mega-lag at their shows, but its still clear that they're doing a lot right.

DCWF
I make no secret that I LOVE Paula Wilcox. One of my wishes in SL is to feud with her once more before I retire. We started one when I was in DCWF and it never finished. She is my SL Wrestling Hero. She is just the best. The absolute best wrestler in SL bar none. She could even carry me to a good match.

Shinja
This man is all shades of awesome. If Alpin is King of SL Wrestling then Shinja is his bezzy mate. I was speaking to him last week and stole a Sir Winston Churchill quote to describe him. He's a riddle, wrapped inside a mystery, inside an enigma. That's both inside and outside the ring too. In the ring he's one of the best. Maybe the best active male wrestler. It's hard not to get carried away with his characters. Oh and Shinja, if you're reading this, trust me, the ladies tickle downstairs when you're around. If you were shallow - which you're not - then you'd have quite a collection of ring rats on your bed post. Never change!

Last but not least... TNT.

TNT was a set of Wrestling events planned to make money for Cancer research. Second Life lost a loved citizen to the illness so the amazing people in SL Wrestling got together and put on several shows and raised a jaw-dropping amount of money for charity. The brains and heart behind this was Nanny Gothly. I've sang her praises as a wrestler but I must also praise her personally. She went above and beyond in the planning of these events. If they handed out honours in Second Life then she'd be a Dame.

To everyone who worked on and attended those events, you're beautiful, amazing and should be proud of yourselves. The TNT events brought Alpin out of retirement, had DCWF and VWE share a ring and saw Wrestling take place in an MMA ring! It really was Second Life United for a great cause. The thousands (of US Dollars!!) raised to help the battle against cancer was a signal of how amazing Second Life can be.

Right, that's enough. If you read to the end then well done. Here's hoping 2011 is a great year for SL Wrestling too.

Peace & F**kin'
Horses xxxx

Shit and other swear words

2011-01-01T01:55:00.003Z

Welcome to 2011, my 4th year of Second Life (TM) (R) (ARSE).

Resolutions are 99% shit, but let's pretend they're useful. Here's my Second Life (TM) (R) (ARSE) resolutions.

1. Waste less money on rubbish.
2. Wrestle more.
3. Wrestle less.
4. Wrestle Fest.
5. Have much more sex.
6. Have less sex.
7. Wear fewer clothes.
8. Wear more clothes.
9. Retire.
10. Own a yacht (see 1.).

I'm going to focus on Resolution 1. I'm confident I can be successful in that.

Right i'm off to buy some ill-fitting SL Lingerie. It's a bargain at 900L$

Peace & Fuckin'

Horses xxxxxx.

SL Wrestling Legend makes surprise return!!! (And I ruined everything by wrestling her)

2010-08-01T04:33:00.004+01:00

OMG OMG OMG. Nanny Gothly just returned to SL!!! I'm like a kid on Christmas Day!!!

I got to wrestle her on HAWX - Scorn tonight. How amazing is that!!!!!

Nanny is one of the greats. There aren't many, but she's one of them. She's in the exclusive club with Paula Wilcox, Vendetta, Misaki, Kat and a couple others.

It was such an honour to wrestle Nanny on her surprise comeback. I hope everyone who saw the match enjoyed it. HAWX put on an amazing card tonight. It's been quite an eventful week but things are heading in the right direction now, I do hope a couple of wrestlers return though.

To put on a card as good at HAWX did tonight shows how many good people they have working there. The match we followed was simply awesome. Thank goodness for the excitement Nanny created, otherwise bobbins Horses would have been wrestling during the crowds unofficial toilet break.

Did I say bobbins? I mean amazing :D

Peace & Fuckin'

Horses.

My hair is back

2010-07-31T20:41:00.006+01:00

Deal with my this smelly haters. After several difficult weeks my hair has finally grown back. A wonderful growth spurt turned me from amazing Horses to amazing Horses with hair. I may or may not have used Science to help encourage the growth spurt. Science is cool.

Sorry you can't be as amazing as me.

The End.

A lecture: The hard work that goes into planning a SL wrestling storyline

2010-07-16T19:40:00.007+01:00

After 2 months of staying away from it, I've finally decided to watch my match on the VWE Overdrive FPV against Elisa Riddler. What should have been an amazing night for me is still tinged with frustration.

For several weeks myself and Ely worked hard outlining and executing this Hair vs Valet angle, which was mostly written in advance.

The match makes me slightly sad because I got defeated by lag and animation delays towards the end. It ruined the match. A poor worker may blame their tools, but when you see animations 10 seconds+ after they actually fire and when you can barely move, the Metaverse's aren't being particularly fair to you.

I'm a geek when it comes to kayfabe in Wrestling. I believe wrestlers should live the gimmicks to a certain degree. This means staying in character around the arena, walking around with bandages on if you've been injured and staying bald for 2 months if you've just lost a hair stipulation. So what i'm going to publish now slightly contradicts those beliefs.

Before myself or Ely dropped an elbow in our storyline, we worked on how it'd go from beginning to end. Below is the notecard that was written before we started.

Ideas of how the proposed Hair vs Valet angle could pan out.

I've put lots of ideas down and split them into parts. There could be more than 1 part on one show, and of course they're just ideas. We could go with some of them or none at all.

Part 1. (Completed)
Horses & Ely are involved in a match where Horses injures Ely by temporarily blinding her with some hairspray.

Part 2.
After a match, Horses cuts promo. She's moaning about bombshells as usual and saying that as she beat two of the finest female wrestlers last week, she had no intention of wrestling against the "bimbo" they'd asked her to wrestle but she was forced too. But she's going to tell them all a story... Ely interrupts. She beats Horses up. Horses manages to escape before she can take a bad beating. Ely gets face pops in the ring.

Ely is in the ring saying that Horses has no respect, calls her names, etc etc and challenges Horses to get back in the ring. From outside the ring, Horses say's she doesn't have any respect for Ely and she won't wrestle her because she's half-blind and Horses doesn't believe in fighting against the disabled. Horses leaves.

Part 4.
Ely wrestles a match and wins. Horses attacks her after the match. She cuts a very short promo about why she attacked Ely. She says she's decided to stop talking and start acting.

Part 5.
Horses wrestles a match. She's does some moves that result in the other wrestler being cornersat. She goes and attaches her hairspray and says she's not interested in wins, nobody takes any notice of them, instead she's going to send out the loudest action she can by taking someones eyes. She goes to spray her in the face but Ely runs down for the save. She punches horses a little. Horses makes a cowards escape before she can get beaten up. She sprays her hairspray into the air and mocks Ely from the ramp.

Part 6. STUNT GRANNY.
Horses in match/promo. End result is Horses' spraying her hairspray into a stunt granny's (plants) face who is ringside.

Part 7.
Ely promo (maybe after match). She say's that Horses' blinding that fan/stunt granny was disgusting. She doesn't understand how she didn't get fired. Maybe she can accuse horses of bribing the stunt granny so she wouldn't press charges against XWA. She also announces that (an authority figure) has decided that this feud needs to be settled and the only way of doing that is by them two of them wrestling.

Horses comes out. She says she'd be delighted to wrestle Ely but she's not going to because it's not worth her time. She has higher targets than beating "some blind whore who is only talented enough to be a valet and has no place in a wrestling ring". She agrees that the feud needs to end and says she's willing to draw a line underneath it all. She'll forgive Ely for all the bad things she's done. Horses says she's had a ceasefire agreement drawn up which promises that, if Ely stops being so pathetic then she'll stop blinding idiots. She says she's already signed it and says all Ely has to do is sign it and it'll be legally binding. She hands Ely the contract/ceasefire agreement (which is on a clip board). Ely could fake she's about to sign it before hitting Horses with it. Horses escapes the ring. Ely shouts a challenge to Horses.

Part 8.
Horses (with security guards) comes to the ring and announces that what Ely did to her last week was the actions of a coward. Horses brought solutions to the table and Ely spat on them. A wrestling match was never the solution. Horses has had a million wrestling matches and afterwards she still wanted to kill the woman she's just beaten. Wrestling Ely would just increase the hatred Horses' has for her, afterall Ely is just a pathetic valet. Their disagreement needed a contractual ending that suits both parties and she says the ceasefire was that. She offers the contract again.

Ely comes to the ring but stands outside. She calls Horses a coward, a bully and a wrestler who only gets booked because she's living off former glories. She says Horses hasn't done anything for 2 years apart from moan and sell haircare products. Horses goes on some rant about her history (zzzz) and calls Ely a valet again. She goes on to say Ely is a poor valet at that. She says that her psychiatrist suggested she get herself a valet to take her frustrations out on. Horses says she was going to ask Ely if she's be her temper valet but realised she'd be too shit at it. Ely trys to get to Horses but security guards stop her.

Part 9.
Ely cuts a promo where she announces she has her own solution and a contract of her own. She says she wants to shut Horses up so badly she'd be willing to become her valet if she loses in a match against her. Horses comes to the ring carrying the hairspray. She says the idea of having Ely as her valet is tempting, but she has wasted enough time with her already so she's going to just finish her career now by completing the job she almost did several weeks earlier. She goes to spray her but Ely beats her to the punch. Locks her in a hold somehow and grabs the hairspray. She says she'll blind Horses right now if she doesn't sign the contract. After some arguing Horses signs to a match where if she wins, Ely will become her valet.

Part 10.
Ely shows off the contract. Announces the contract says she could pick any date for the contract and she picks right now. Horses comes down to the ring and says she isn't ready to wrestle. Ely tells her to stop moaning and get in the ring. She points out the contract says she has too, if she doesn't the consequences could be bad for Horses. Horses says she doesn't care and walks off.

Part 11.
Horses takes part in a regular match. Afterwards Ely comes down. She tells Horses that she was warned there would be consequences to her breaking their match contract, she'd been speaking with XWA management all week and together they've found a solution. Horses will be fired and black-balled from every wrestling organisation in the metaverses, she'll also be sued by XWA for breach of match agreement if she doesn't wrestle Ely.

Horses shrugs and says she'll wrestle her. Big deal, etc. Ely then announces that the consequence is that she gets to pick the stipulation for the match. Ely teases hardcore matches, ladder matches, bra and panties matches, etc before saying she hates Horses so much she wants to live on the edge as it'll mean she'll never get complacent. So she wants to keep the stipulation that if she loses that means she'll be Horses valet for 6 weeks. BUT if Horses loses she wants something of hers. The obvious choice would be her hairspray because thats what she does her damage with - but her being a valet against a hairspray can isn't really a fair bet. So she kept on thinking and realised that if Horses doesn't have any hair, she won't need any hairspray. She announces that their match will be a no-dq match. Valet Career vs Hair match. If Horses wins then Ely will valet her for 6 weeks. If Ely wins then she gets to shave Horses bald. Horses flips out. Says no way. Ely points out she doesn't have an option. The contract has already been agreed. The only thing she can do is walk away from XWA but then she'll never wrestle again and get sued. Ely leaves. Horses cries.

Part 12.
Horses cuts a promo building up the match but says the stipulation is nothing short of an assault. She's been away thinking of possible alternative stipulations. Since Ely was nearly blinded she suggests a blindfold match as it'd give Ely an advantage as may make the match more even. Horses gets cut off by Ely who says the match is written in stone. There is no changing it. If Horses doesn't show up then her Second Life is all but finished.

Ely has her match. Horses watches from ringside. Before the finish Horses comes into the ring and beats up Ely. Ely turns things around and puts Horses in a sleeper. Ely asks the crowd if they'd like to see Horses' new haircut start tonight. Crowd should say yes :) Ely gets some clippers but before she can cut her hair a guy comes down and knocks Ely down. The two of them write "horses' valet" or another slur on Ely.

Part 14.
Horses introduces the guy who saved her last week to the crowd. She says she's hired herself a personal bodyguard who will do anything for Horses. He'll take a bullet for horses... he'll even lose his hair for Horses. Horses says she's been negotiating with XWA officials all week and she's on the verge of having the stipulation changed so if she loses - which she won't - her bodyguard will lose his hair.

Ely has her match. Horses & Bodyguard sit ringside. Horses goes to spray Ely in the face with her hairspray but she moves and the bodyguard gets it instead. Horses runs off. Ely cuts the bodyguards hair off and tells horses that her insurance policy doesn't have any hair to lose now and she'll see her for their match.

Part 16.
Horses & Bodyguard are in the ring. Horses says Ely is going to get fired for what she did to the bodyguard. Ely stands on the ramp and says she isn't, etc. Horses then cuts a promo saying she is more disgusted in her useless bodyguard though, so she's demoted him from bodyguard to valet and since Ely is here she can see an example of what it'll be like when shes Horses valet for 6 weeks. Horses humilates the bodyguard by making him do tricks like a dog would and say stuff that insults himself and praises Horses. Ely laughs at Horses and says she should stop worrying about her hair and start worrying about the match.

The Match.
A normal no-dq match. Spots could induce Horses hitting Ely with the hairspray can and several near falls for both. Ely wins clean and Horses gets her head shaved.

Aftermath.
Horses wears lots of silly hats and maybe some wigs. In a series of matches Ely can pull them off. etc.

Those dedicated enough who saw the storyline unfold will notice that the final spots were somewhat rushed. Some parts were cut and others were merged together. The bodyguard - Dirk - had his role reduced and the Stunt Granny never made it onto a show :(

So why post this? This isn't intended to be an Exposed! Pro-Wrestling's greatest secrets nonsense (for the record, the Stunt Granny was never going to wink at me after I did the spray attack). I just want to demonstrate that Wrestlers in Second Life don't just turn up on the day and blag the match. We don't throw the stories together 10 minutes before the show.

The hard work that goes into the arenas, stages and animations are there for all to see, but sometimes the work that goes into the story lines isn't that clear. Elisa Riddler is one of the best Wrestlers in Second Life and working with her on a project like this was a dream. The notecard above was just the first of many we drew up together. Promo's were written, the storyline grew and shrunk! It took a while to get to the finale, but when we got there it was great (lag excluded).

For anyone who enjoyed it, thank you. For those who didn't, at least you now know we didn't fail you through a lack of planning.

Thanks for reading. I promise something more fun/ruder next time.

Peace & Fuckin'

Horses xxx

Horses loses Hair in tragic wrestling stipulation. Citizens of the Metaverse express delight

2010-06-11T03:36:00.007+01:00

As all my wonderful fans will know, I'm a superstar Metaverse wrestler. If you speak to anyone in the Metaverses and ask them to name a female Wrestler they'll say... Well they'd probably say "I don't know any", but that isn't the point. The point is... the point is... The point is that being bald is bobbins.

I had a Hair vs Valet match against Elisa Riddler. She's a wrestler. Sadly she's better than me and this egg-head, 3rd tit look is the tragic outcome for brave, courageous, proud, respectful, wonderful, amazing, super, nice-smelling, has great taste, Horses Morrisey. I lost. I had my head shaved in front of a packed sim. It was embarrassing. I hate Elisa Riddler for it. I hate her.

I've spent 3 weeks at a Hair Farm, trying to get my hair to grow back faster. Every time it started to grow back I'd add some chemical to speed the growth and it'd all fall out again. I've decided to let things happen naturally now.

I'd swear revenge but right now I cannot be arsed. How many times do you need to get stung on the nose before you stop sniffing the Wasps nest?

Thank you for reading. TNA sucks.

People are stupid

2010-04-11T23:37:00.000+01:00

Let's cut to the facts. I spend lots of time in a virtual world, most people would therefore assume i'm an anti-social geek who cannot interact with people in a natural environment. I'd like to say that's bullshit, but it's probably got more than a little bit of truth to it.

Despite this, I maintain that people are stupid. In RL it's just people in general. In SL it is the griefers. Those annoying little fuckers who you just want to smash through 17,000 sims until their shitty noob skin melts.

Other examples of SL cunts are people who do insist on talking too much. Great, you're as socially alienated as I am, You don't need to spew your mind-vomit onto me though. I really don't care if you think the EU is a "sack of shit". Talk to me about stuff that doesn't have your fucking meaningless opinion at its heart. Yes, that's right! Your opinion means SHIT. If I want to hear about shit i'll listen to some crappy radio station like TalkSport.

Back in the RL it's Election time in Britain. This means every political cunt in the world is knocking on my door asking if i'll vote for their party. I have this game I play, it's called "Ask them a stupid question, try and get them to answer 'YES' and then promise you'll vote for them once you validate the answer via their website or the BBC". It's a real fun game. I asked my local Tory Boy if his party would add Dr Who? Studies to the national curriculum. He never said YES, but he didn't say NO either. When the Labour dicks come around I'm going to batter them over the Kraft takeover of Cadbury.

Back in SL it's time to wind down a little. Things are too complicated, so let's make things simpler. Let's also make things cheaper too because my bank balance is aching.

Behind the curtain

2010-04-11T22:55:00.004+01:00

Wrestler A wants to wrestle Wrestler B. Wrestler C wants to wrestle Wrestler A and Wrestler B at the same time. Wrestler B doesn't want to wrestle Wrestler C. Wrestler A is more than happy to wrestle Wrestler C.

Wrestler C is the champion. He wants to beat Wrestler A and Wrestler B in the same match. Wrestler B doesn't want to lose to Wrestler C because he doesn't like him personally or professionally. Wrestler A is too busy chatting up Female Wrestler A to be bothered at the moment.

Wrestler D is hardly ever around, but he's a good friend of Wrestler E who is also the boss. Wrestler F doesn't care anymore. So Wrestler E books Wrestler D to destroy Wrestler F at the big main event show.

Wrestler D beats Wrestler F. Wrestler D leaves before finishing the whole story. Wrestler D won't return for 4 weeks. Wrestler F looks weak.

Wrestler C left to wrestle somewhere else where he can beat everyone. Wrestler A is going to be a daddy.

This is wrestling, yeah? Well sometimes, maybe, probably not.

A late valentines from Horses

2010-02-26T04:02:00.005Z

Here's a valentines day poem for you all - and for one special person in particular ;)

Roses are red, Gypsies stole my collection of 1970's disco hits.
If you let me squeeze your bum, you can squeeze my... cheeks.

Love, Horses.
xxxxxxxx

A Horsey Wrestling Career Update

2010-01-13T21:17:00.003Z

Yay to capitalisation.
How's about a quickie update on my WONDERFUL Second Life Wrestling Career.

UPDATED

MWA - Failed.
HKWF - Job-a-roonie but Fun.
HAWX - LOL but a Second Chance... Who knows what'll happen!
XWA - Too early to say

So why don't you retire, Whorses? I don't hear you say. Well it's simple, that'd be too easy!

To stop anyone getting upset. Those comments aren't my opinions on those federations. It's how I performed in them.

I'll update this as things go from bad to worse.

Peace + Fuckin'
H.

There's no such thing as a free lunch in SL

2009-12-20T01:28:00.004Z

XStreet SL is the bastard interbred child of SLExchange, OnRez and Linden Lab. I used to be a big fan of the original SL Exchange and OnRez, but the post merger and LL takeover has had some pretty horrible affects, which has led to hundreds of sellers leaving.

I use Xstreet a bit for purchasing. It's an easier way to buy and I don't have to suffer death by lag. I also sell the odd item (I mean odd too). I'd not recommend you take a look at my items (well maybe once).

Here's my rant. I have some freebies on there because the items aren't really worth that much. The geniuses at LL must feel that ALL freebies are used to market other things and therefore should be charged. They have half a point, there's no doubt some freebies on there are bad versions of paid products, which you're encouraged to purchase (not talking about demos here). But there's lots of wonderful people - like myself ;) - who offer freebies because they want to donate to the community. I have some Wrestling Ropes that turn phantom when you click them on them. I built them for myself because they'd be useful! I decided to share them because they're useful to others. All they are is 4 prims with a click script that turns them all phantom for 6 seconds. It's hardly Windoze 7.

I might protest against this freebies crap by putting my best selling item for free. Currently Xstreet takes about 14L$ for each I sell. If I turn it free they'll get just the free listing cost.

Why I hate Romantic Beaches

2009-07-23T18:58:00.006+01:00

It's been a while...

My real life Dentist usually says that to me when I turn up for my bi-annual checkup. He expects me to pay him £40 every 6 months. Yeah right! I'll come to visit you when I have tooth ache or when you threaten to kick me off your books.

Sooooooo. Like a 17 year old chav's clap... I'm back! The cream got rid of me for a few months but here I am again, back in the act and discharging like crazy. I may be annoying, I may be embarrassing, but if you keep me a secret you'll still have fun. In all honestly I think i'd rather be Chlamydia than Gonorrhea.

That's the regular STI joke out of the way. Onto the proper stuff. Why I hate Romantic Beaches in SL - or in RL too.

My nearest beach will either be Southport of dreaded Blackpool. I go to neither because a) Southport is full of scousers. b) Blackpool is just shit. So if I decided to go to a beach i'd probably just find a sandy spot by the side of the Manchester Ship Canal. Hardly romantic I think you'll agree.

I've heard the stories of faraway beaches where people get married/have casual sex. Those stories are supposed to sound romantic but to me they sound like hell.

I do like beaches, just not for 'romance'. There is nothing romantic about the smell of fish. A beach is for laying on, getting sand everywhere possible - and a few places you thought impossible. It's about getting knocked over by waves. Having your valuables stolen as you swim in something that smells like sewage.

In SL you have none of these. You just have a pretty looking beach with romantic sun beds and some trees, behind which dirty people wander around naked and have sex. Where is the romance in that? "Oh hang on, I can see someone's penis attachment I just need to change my view" or "oh no, our mutual fondling animation is out of sync, it looks like i'm groping your right ear and kissing your left eye". Utter rubbish.

That's it for another 7 months. Bye x

SLCW is 1 year old

2009-02-08T02:50:00.004Z

It is, it really is! SLCW is celebrating its first birthday!!! Like most things celebrating it's first birthday, it looks nothing like it did when it first popped out of Second Life's Lag-a-verse.

That baby Wrestling Promotion, which performed shows in a small arena next to a museum, is now a rather larger Wrestling Promotion that does its shows in a complex bigger than my ego. The days of shows being cursed by matches between myself and Moppy, and Sidney in general are long gone. Nowadays you can see matches that look like matches should look. It is really rather impressive.

How do I fit in with the modern SLCW? Well, how about a history update (Breaking kayfabe here and a few spoilers). As an earlier post covers, I won the SLCW Women's Championship. The first ever women champion in SLCW. A few weeks later, I was stripped of the title and suspended for 3 months by then SLCW Head Boy, Ivan Halfpint, after no-showing for a Warzone show. In reality I no-showed due to being stranded 60 miles from my house, it was beyond my control. I had a large email argument with Ivan and quit. The 3 month suspension was a storyline put in place to cover me quitting and the title being vacated.

Within 2 weeks i'd made up with Ivan - he's one of the nicest guys in SL - but remained out of SLCW. 6 or so weeks later I asked to return, it was agreed but we played out the 3 month storyline. I made a couple of valet and interference appearances before the suspension was up. Finally, with the 3 months up, I made an in-ring comeback. Working a handful of matches.

My SLCW history has been rather fragmented (understatement of the year). Saturdays were often difficult days for me, but when Warzone moved to Sundays things got better. A small feud with Paula Wilcox boiled for a couple of months. She injured me by delivering 2 horrible pile drivers (I spent about 7 weeks walking around with a neck brace 24/7) we only ever wrestled 1 vs 1 once. The plan was to run with it more but RL issues sidelined me.

Paula would have been my first proper SLCW angle. We'd put quite a bit of thought into it and i'd gone as far as creating a fictional Haircare brand that I had a multi-million linden dollar deal to promote. Why? Well, we were planning a hair vs hair match, and Slampoo (the haircare product) made my hair rather valuable to me! No hair, no millions! It was fun and there was even a store at SLCW arena where you could buy (it was free) Slampoo bottles and t-shirts (IM if you want one). It may have been Wrestlecrap, but it was still an attempt at building a character.

That is where my SLCW career currently lies. 3 months, a break up, redundancy and suicide attempt later I am slowly returning to SL trying to break back into SLCW. Vince Easterwood is one of the finest people you could ever wish to meet in SL. He's helping me remove the ring rust, and in all truth, try and become a decent wrestler as I was never particularly spectacular.

Enough of me. Today is SLCWs day. It's been an amazing year. The creative genius that is Alpin Criss deserves some form of award for what he has built. Eric Stewart - a chap i've not always got on with but always respected - gave SLCW a huge kick up the arse in the design and production stakes.

Misaki Yumako and Katheryn Blackadder are mostly responsible for the amazing Womens division that SLCW current has. Kat won the womens title today at the first anniversary show, which is perfect and I am so happy for her and everything she has done for SLCW - she is so much more than a wrestler. Celtdan has to be the most entertaining wrestler SLCW has. Waroop is at the centre of nearly everything great about SLCW, Ivan Halfpint helped build the rock solid foundations which SLCW sits on today... I could go on and on, so i'll cut it short now, but every wrestler who's ever participated in SLCW are deeply beautiful and should be proud of what the promotion has achieved. No matter if their contribution was deemed positive or negative, they still form part of its History, a history which must surely still be in its infancy.

It's been a long time, baby!

2008-06-23T01:50:00.003+01:00

Well this seems like my first post in ages... that is probably because it is!

What's been happening in my second life? Well, Horse and Biscuit British Pub has moved. Its quite a big move too. The pub is now just a small part of Playa de las Caballos. Other features are the beach, water falls, hotel, town square, social space and football stadium. It is a heck of an upgrade. Expect a nice photo walkthrough soon and a quick search for the name of the resort using the SL search tool should point you in the right direction.

This really is just a quick update (it is late!) i'll fill you all in with more details later. I've lots to say :)

Peace and f**kin'
Horses x-x3

Baths vs Showers. A Second Life test.

2008-04-27T15:47:00.013+01:00

It is an age old debate. What's best, a Bath or a Shower? Purely for research - and not a reason to post gratuitous shower/bath photos - I've had a shower and bath and shall divulge my experience and opinions. Click on any of the research photos to get a better look. Some have been 'stylised' for artistic reasons (since they are research photos there would be no reason to censor them).

Let's start with a good old Bath.

Having a long soak in the bathtub is one of lifes pleasures. Add some aromatics and candles, and you've got either bathing heaven or bathing hell. Just never put a radio next to the bath and connect it to the mains. The bath is also the natural home of the rubber duck(y). An amazing species, some even squeak.

I've got a big stone bath (right) which isn't plumbed in, but somehow manages to fill when I click on it. It's always piping hot because of the steam you see coming off it. Whenever your prims are tired, or skin is looking a little pixelated due to a day of excessive lag, it's the best way to wind down - apart from sex, but after that you tend to need a bath or shower anyway (going off some of the prims i've pulled!).

The great thing about a bath is you can make it all bubbly and make funny hairstyles with the foam. Baths are much more fun that showers (if by fun you mean fun fun and not sexy fun) and your skin turns all wrinkly if you stay in for two long.

The Shower (scene).

Feeling sweaty and dirty? Jump into the shower and within 10 minutes you'll be all clean, refreshed and dried off again (not including hair).

Showers are quicker than baths and if your shower is powerful enough and also operates as a hand-shower, you can really clean the places the sun doesn't shine. There's something quite beautiful of warm soft water being projected a dangerous speeds into the most tender areas of the human (or second human) body.

Showers also accommodate for silly hairstyles, they're more suitable for using a vast ray of gloopy cleaning solutions, singing and if your shower is powerful enough it can really hurt - which is great.

Where would we be without the good old cold shower? Perfect for waking up or cooling down. Baths just aren't practical for that. You can jump out of a shower if its too hot/cold quicker than you could jump out of a bath.

This old blog made my shower somewhat infamous. It's powerful jets of water will rearrange your prims back into their natural position, but its 'extra animations' will throw them all about again. At this point I must thank my friend Nude (yes, that is his real name) who threw my prims around in my shower... i'm still finding some around the plug hole.

Decision time:

Erm... it's baths. Showers are fun, but baths are lazy. Which is good!

Just a general naked photograph really

2008-04-24T01:08:00.006+01:00

I'm in a dirty/drugged mood so I thought i'd post this charming photograph (click to go bigger!).

I know its not showing pink bits (Still PG, Goooooogle!) but I was naked (and alone - so nothing sexual) at the time. There are other photos to prove this as well. You'll have to marry me to see them though.

Happy Thursday*

*Here anyway, Its 1:15am.

Today the enemy lost 56 men, 5 guitars, 2 pianos and a trumpet.

2008-04-23T22:02:00.004+01:00

"Who needs guitars anyway?" asked Alice Deejay back in 2000. The answer: They did because their career went downhill soon after and they never matched the good old days of Better off alone and Back in my life.

Guitars then. Funny old instrument when you think about it. When I think guitar, I hear Guitar Solos, See hotel rooms being trashed and the Honky Tonk Man hitting people with them.

If I went to war and my only weapon could be ONE musical instrument I'd seriously consider taking a guitar, I think many people would. After thinking again though i'd take a big massive organ that could fly, and then have it run over the enemy and squash them to death.

How the war was won by Horses Morrisey - The BBC philharmonic orchestra 77 Squadron flew in on their flying Organs and blasted Fritz back to Germany with a swift but firm trombone attack. Wrap up the rockets and bring in the Orchestras, I say. Oh but not Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark. Leave them on VH1 (classic). No "shock and awe" from the British, We'd do "Swift and Firm", it just sounds better and it yells "100% success" at you.

Now I read this back I think that maybe i've been taking too many drugs. Music in war! Gracie Fields at a push but thats it! Who needs guitars anyway? The British Army don't for one!

Move over red rum (not literally, you're buried at Aintree Racecourse) there's a new Horsey champ in town!

2008-04-21T22:43:00.009+01:00

The photo is a bit of a giveaway. I WON! You are looking at the SLCW Womens Champion (worrying announced as the Womens Heavyweight Champion before the fight). I came, I saw, I conquered. It was a magnificent victory. My good friend Paula - who is a champion in another sport - and I celebrated like it was 1999. Paula was on hand to see my famous victory and got a really good view of the action towards the end of the fight.

I'm sure everyone is very pleased I won. It was an honour representing my fellow Horses and thank you to my sponsors. I don't actually have any sponsors, but if i did i'd be thanking them. It's quite an honour being a female and wrestling version of Red Rum, and like the legendary racehorse, I shall never crap on Blue Peter like a dirty elephant might. Talking of childrens telly - as you can see - I relaxed afterwards with a nice herbal rizla cone (containing nothing that a masking agent can't fix). Wellness. Pah!

Horses' Million Dollar title belt fight

2008-04-19T04:16:00.005+01:00

Sunday 20th April. Reichstag Nightclub @ 12 Noon, Somewhere in SL. See Horses Morrisey (that'd be me) wrestle some rubbish woman called Misaki (or Musaki) for the Million Dollar SLCW Womens title. It's in the bag already - I WILL be champion, she's nothing compared to me, it'll be so easy. When I am i'll throw a "Champions Party" at Horse and Biscuit. You'll all be invited.

Most importantly, come see the match for yourself! Noon on Sunday (Noon being 12pm!). Anyone who shouts out "crackerjack" during my match will get a big long kiss afterwards - so long as I win, which I undoubtedly will because I'm the best (Cue Joe Esposito's Karate Kid track "You're the best" - Choon!)

The spy who lagged until its inventory burst

2008-04-09T22:32:00.004+01:00

Have you visited The Horse and Biscuit yet? NO! Why not!!!

An ugly testing tool from Linden Labs has. It looked for all the pings in Data Valley that is was some dodgy tool made by a naughty person. Created by Tester3 Tester (or something like that) it was simply a square box with default wooden texture and a silver ball sat on top. It claimed to monitor teleports and do other stuff to help improve second life. I didn't trust it. Return to Sender as Elvis once sang.

The beautiful people who run the sims my places are on contacted Los Lindonios and guess what... it was really Linden Labs. Some unimaginative technical wiz' has created a 'testing' tool and gone out of their way to make it look untrustworthy. They don't even drop the landowner a note saying what it is and its legitimate. Deary me!

Thats it.

He reached deep inside her nose bag, and let off a fart. Horses on Sex in SL!

2008-03-29T17:18:00.006Z

Buenos Tarde, senoras y caballeros. Caballos Morrisey aqui.

If you're thinking that I'm spanish, then you clearly have no grasp of Spanish writing and grammar. Nor do I, hence the shocking "Good afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen. Horses Morrisey here" Spanish sentence.

Anyway, enough Spanish for one post. How about we look deep inside the meaning of Second Life, and how people treat their second lives. Having spoken to several idiots about the subject, I learnt one thing. The best way to make easy money on Second Life is to become a prostitute/gigolo, or escorts as they're more politely called here. Dancers make a bit of money, its like a more involved form of Camping, but the real money is with the prozzies. In RL you'd be hounded out of your village and have effigies of you burnt if you were revealed as a 'lady of the night'. In SL its mostly accepted as okay, especially since it's not real sex. But if it's not real, why will some gentlemen (and ladies) pay around 1,000$L to have it?

I decided to go undercover. No dirty street corners with ladies almost wearing rubber dresses here. It's mostly lag ridden night clubs, with ladies having 'escort' themed tags on and their picture on the wall. I asked around for prices - in an "i'm just interested in how it works" way - and the general figure was between $L800 and $L1,000 for 30 minutes. A few charged more for 'additional extras' like acting out certain themes (nothing illegal) and one wanted an extra $L150 to have anal sex! Mustn't have been a Catholic girl!

I then decided to spice things up a bit. I told a few that I was a SL Lesbian, and wanted to know if they'd have sex with me. Of the 5 I asked only 2 agreed, and on both occasions they put the price up. One quoted $L2,000! The other said $L1,200 (she wanted $L800 for men) but she'd do it for $L800 if a man could watch. I declined both offers.

So what did I learn? Well morals are slightly lower in SL. Inhibitions are much lower (not such a bad thing) and sex is rife. The most amazing thing was that people would pay these prices, when they could get it for free in virtually any bar or nightclub in a mature area. What happened to the art of conversation? Talk to the man or woman, dance, flirt and then try your luck! Lads, for goodness sake, don't walk around naked with a huge hard-on. At best its very pathetic but funny (for the people you're trying to impress) and at worst its crude and nasty. Keep it in your pants!

It's all a bit of fun though, isn't it?

Second Life in (not very) secret 'rubbish mode'

2008-03-28T23:32:00.007Z

Want to know why Second Life(TM)(C)(LAG) will never be really great? It's summed up in one small graphic below:

It's Friday Night, it's 'chill out for the weekend' time and Second Life (TM)(C)(LAG) are shut down for maintenance. Does Brighton close on Fridays? Does Liverpool stop thieving on Fridays? NO! Does Second Life (TM)(C)(LAG) close on a Friday, without giving more than a semi-toss about its 'residents'? Oh yes it does.

Me: Mr Travel Agent, I want to go for an evening break this Friday, where can I go?

Mr Travel Agent: Well you could go to Brighton, Edinburgh or LAG City... oh sorry, Lag City is closed this Friday. Maybe you could fly there via Heathrow Terminal 5?

The Horse and Biscuit had an event planned for tonight... now ruined! The Lag is DEAD, Long live the LAG.

The Horse and Biscuit - Opens Wednesday 26th. Be there!

2008-03-26T01:49:00.004Z

Like my boyfriend always used to say "Just a quickie", although in this case it's not because I suffer from premature ejaculation.

Okay, a quickie then... The Horse and Biscuit British Pub opens on Wednesday 26th March. Smashin' live opening night planned. Free booze and whatever else happens. You'll find The Horse and Biscuit through a simple places search. I'll add a SLurl Landmark when I have more time. 'Party' starts at around 3PM, but the pub is open already!

Also, a quick mention to other events planned this week:

SLCW presents LIVE PRO WRESTLING at The Horse and Biscuit. Show starts at 3pm.
This Friday night is 'lads' night. Men, come act like a pillock who can't handle their drink. Ladies, animals, aliens, people in between and sensible men can come and laugh at them, or join in! Stripper not booked yet, but planned.

Nitey Nite.

The Horse and Biscuit - Almost complete

2008-03-23T12:40:00.004Z

It is almost complete... my very own public house with a twist.

The Horse and Biscuit will open very soon. It's still being built but there are already several attractions. Including:

Fully licensed bar, serves gassy beers, Irish slop, wines, spirits and soft drinks.
Funky Rain patio with grill.
Lovely peaceful seating area with roaring fireplace.
A jukebox playing bad music.
Darts.
Upstairs Discotheque where you can dance the night away to the hip new sound of the juke box.
Strip Poker game that is almost impossible to understand.
Your chance to Ride the Horse, complete with leader board - Every rider wins a crappy prize.
Beautiful view of Button Moon.
Extra secret stuff.

There's much more to come as well. Just search for "Horse and Biscuit" on the places tab and you'll find it. Landmark and details of opening events will be posted as soon as I have the details.

Shag! She dropped her knickers and had it off!

2008-03-20T23:38:00.006Z

...That's the name of my forthcoming book (Yes, Honestly - Shag! She dropped her knickers and had it off!). Its about a lady called Ragiro. She's a 'right sort' and goes around shagging ALL the time. One day she meets Charlie, who wines and dines her. Then, there's a twist and it ends. Here's a short preview:

She looked down at his pounding lawnmower. It had clearly seen its best days and was now moments away from blowing its load out. There was probably 5 months of compressed grass cuttings in there. It'd take some cleaning up if it all shot out.

Charlie arrived with some ice and water. Ragiro turned off the lawnmower and went to greet Charlie. "I've done the lawn" she said. "I love a well groomed lawn, don't you?". "Well i've always preferred the natural look" replied Charlie, much to Ragiros disappointment. "Oh well, we'll just have to let it grow in future" she said before sipping her water through the gaps in her front teeth.

You want to read more? Well buy the book when it comes out! It'll be available from all branches of Bacon-Hill-Crack book stores for £69.95. You cannot order it on-line because this is a serious book and therefore should be purchased face-to-face.

Thank you.
H.

The Horse and Biscuit

2008-03-19T19:10:00.003Z

Want to 'hang' somewhere 'hip'? Well go to your local off-licence, buy some cider and get shit faced outside with the chavs, neds, scroats, asbos and tramps. Want to see somewhere rubbish in Second Life? Head over to The Horse and Biscuit, it my new venture! Its the place that doesn't know what its doing. Its a rather large Pub, with some hidden surprises!

Its modelled on bits of my RL. Its got the name of a regular public house. It's got bits of music I like (well it will have eventually), its sunny, yet rainy. Its got hills (well slopes) because I grew up walking up (or down) flipping hills! Its got funky wallpaper because I like funky wallpaper and its got a slime pit after the bf who's idea of kinky fun was to jump into the bath with me and pour gunge, food, paint and general goo over us. It's called WAM (not Wham! - that's a pop group) and it ruined a very good bath and bed of mine. There's also a bit of a sunshine patio, some funky chequered floor and good old fashioned stones. It looks bobbins at the moment, and there's much to be done, soon it'll be finished... and then returned to me after I cannot afford the rent :(

Landmark to The Horse and Biscuit is coming soon (you could probably search for it and find it that way) and news of a launch party will follow.

Neigh!

One wedding and a funeral

2008-03-12T23:31:00.004Z

In 1994, Hugh Grant - AKA Cunt in Specs - flapped his "gosh" onto our cinema screens with the summer smash hit! Four Weddings and a Funeral. It followed a typical supposedly middle class English twat who goes to lots of weddings, then the life and soul of the party snuffs it, he goes to his funeral and ultimately ends up getting together with the American woman. Cap it off with one of the most cringe-worthy lines in the history of cinema - "Is it raining, I hadn't noticed" - and you've got a hit on your hands. Then for afters, kick in shit 80s band Wet Wet Wet (led by their ego Marti Pellow) and you've got global domination on your hands.

Now, people loved this film... Hugh Grant became HUGE Grant... before he blew it all by hooking up with a hooker. That American women Andi Mc-something-or-other did some shampoo commercials and British Cinema was the pride of Britain again. A few years later some jobless Yorkshire scum whipped their cocks out for the local ladies to ogle at, and it made British Cinema even greater.

Well, more than 10 years on, I - Horses Morrisey - added my own little drama to the pride of Britain (not those awards the crappy newspaper gives to freedom fighters and victims of 'yoof crime). I got faked married and fake divorced all in a couple of days. A story so great it could sell out your local Odeon, if there was one seat and someone tricked a spanner into thinking the Odeon were doing a secret showing of Rambo 4 in there.

One day i'll approach some mega film person about making the movie, until then promise me you won't watch anything with Hugh Grant in. Okay?

Cows

2008-03-07T00:10:00.004Z

Why do Cows hate Horses so much?

I was speaking to a Cow earlier today and She said "I hate Horses, I do". I never told the Cow my name, I just said "Piss off and get milked you big fat Cow". She ran after me but I was too fast. Silly Cow thinking she could outrun a Horse! She may be the source of lots of milk, and clever men and women may be able to make that milk drinkable by adding chocolate flavouring to it, but she's still a stupid Cow. Three letters, Daisy... U, H and T.

Cows are apparently one of the greatest emitters of CO2. I say... kill them all. Mad Cow Disease tried it once already. Maybe its time for someone else to have a go. Send in the Americans. Rambo can lead the way. The end of Cows! So we might not be able to eat fillet steak any more, and yes Pork does taste rubbish, but its a small price to pay if it saves the planet.

To be fair, some Cows aren't that bad. Maybe the Americans and Rambo could just shout "Boo" at them lots of times. Maybe that's a fairer solution to the bad attitude and CO2 that cows pollute this world with.

Injury prevents Horses from breaking a Mopp

2008-03-02T11:25:00.004Z

I fell off my stable roof on Thursday. The resulting injuries were awful. Broken prims in my leg and several cuts across on my body meant I couldn't batter Moppy McMopp in our not-so eagerly awaited wrestling match on Saturday.

Gutted! It's the best word to describe how upset I feel. There I was, just pissing about on the roof and the next thing I know i'm on the floor with prims everywhere! I had to lie to them at the hospital about my name. Horses are usually shot if they break their leg. I told them my name was Dog. It worked!

The doctors said my leg should be okay soon, so that is good! Rumours that my leg doesn't really have prim damage are wider than a buses arse. The fact some people suggest i'm scared of a glorified stripper hurt my Horsey feelings. Anyone telling me such horse shit to my face will get a swift kicking.

For those sickos out there who like to see injured horses, he's a couple of pictures to prove my prims are really damaged.

Horses vs Whore. March 1st, Noon SLT. Watch it!!!!

2008-02-22T22:06:00.004Z

Want to see Horses wrestle?
Hop along to the SLCW Arena on the 1st March. The event starts at noon SLT.
I'm up against Moppy again. Watch me beat the whore to pieces.
Come down, watch the wrestlers, boo other wrestlers and give Moppy hell! I know my growing fan club would love to see Priscilla Mopp being battered to little moppy pieces. Don' miss out on the chance to see a pathetic bin-whore get put in her place. She does look a little like a mop too.
The Monster is on the show too, he is great!

f**kin' in the bushes

2008-02-20T14:01:00.005Z

In between lag and memory dumps, Second Life can be quite the entertaining place. It was once hyped to me as a place where you can do pretty much anything you can in RL, your imagination is the only boundary, etc, etc. Now we all know that is rubbish as there are plenty of things in RL that you cannot do in SL. Likewise though, there are plenty of things in SL you cannot do in RL - Fly, Teleport, ride cars on the pavement and prostitution are the main ones that come into my mind.

Another thing that RL fails in where SL succeeds is its possible to buy some land and a house for less than 10 years wages. When it comes to fitting out your house there are plenty of freebies available, or you can pay a few lindens for something slightly more unique.

Let me get to the point here. I'm not going all deep into the rights and wrongs of UK property prices, or the cost of living in developed countries. No, my point is to show off a funky shower I bought.

If sex can be associated with it, then you'll find a sexed version in SL. Sex Table, Sex Piano, Sex chair, Sex Car, Sex toilet!! I guess some peoples FLs are quite lonely so they use their SL to create items they wish they could use in RL. My shower looks really funky, but predictably its also sexed up to the mildew with dirty animations. As with all dirty objects, you have a little play about with it and have a laugh at the positions. The first time i played with a sex bed I couldn't stop laughing. My shower was simpler though. It was simple, hugging poses, sex poses and oral poses. Not much imagination, but this is a shower after all and injuries can happen in wet areas (the floor!!!).

What use is a sex shower without someone to share it with? Not much use really! I showed friends when giving them a guided tour of the house, but I just showed them the shower working as a shower. I had to try my shower out with another person!! Cue "Nude". "Nude" was a friend I'd met somewhere in SL - i forget exactly where - and we'd been to a house party the night before where we all got a little carried away. We'd already seen each 'others', so what harm becoming casual f**k buddies for when one of us buys something filthy.

Being evil, rather than asking "Nude" if he wanted to **** in the shower, I just teleported him to my bathroom as I was in the shower getting clean. Like most men, he didn't need much convincing to jump in.

And so "Battle commenced". The shower was fantastic! It was great for a giggle, but I imagine if you were deeply in SL love then you could possibly share a romantic session with someone else as millions of pixels form into a virtual reality blow job. The thought of having a virtual honeymoon on some SL romantic island before retiring to the bedroom for several hours poseball abuse just makes me want to get married. Actually, no it doesn't!

Blob over to the Isle of Horses, break into my house and you'll find the bathroom on the top floor. There is no toilet, so if you want a #1 or #2 you have to go in the sea - ideally so it drifts away from the land. The shower and all its wetness is there though. If I catch anyone using it without me being in there then i'll call the Ghostbusters.

Here, for your perversion and my exhibitionism, are photos of myself and "nude" testing my shower. These are printed with his permission... actually that isn't true, I had his permission to post a much worse photo from the night before, so he's getting off lightly here :)

I do feel the need to add that apart from a few moments when the second photograph was taken, the curtains were closed throughout! I think the entire scene looks rather romantic as well. Sure, you haven't seen the other more graphic photos of us, but in the right lighting its a love making shower, not just a sex shower. The same cannot be said for most SL sex items.

Horses vs Mopp - Live Wrestling!!!

2008-02-17T23:14:00.004Z

Oh-What-a-Rush!

My limited wrestling knowledge ventures as far as the Legion of Doom (AKA The Road Warriors). I remember their music before they came out, it went something like "Ohhh What a rush!". I think they were good guys because they always seemed to be popular with the fans. To get to a point though, the phrase "What a Rush" sums up my first ever live wrestling event!

I've rarely been so nervous! This was SL and there I was absolutely bobbing my pants! I had ponys running around my belly! This was Second Life and I was more nervous than performing in RL! Would my connection die? Would the lag kill me? Would I just mess up a move? I was asking all those questions before. I masked it the best I could. Before the match I said to my opponent, Priscilla Mopp, that we'd steal the show and everything would be great. I'd be fibbing if i said i truly believed that would be the case, but compared to a few hours before when we were total strangers, i felt there was a chance it could happen.

The start wasn't quite to script, but was okay. Everything went okay after that - apart from my trash talking - and then I messed up! The ending was Mopp would jump off the top rope for me and i'd move. We had practised it perfectly before. Sadly I managed to mess it up! First of all when i tried to move I didn't. Why? Because i'd sent an IM to her before and forgot to put the focus back on the world screen. She did another splash, i was very close to the corner and tried to move towards it - text book - Apart from there wasn't room and she hit me still. Third time lucky? She jumped from the top again, I moved out of the way successfully and she hit the floor. I then got up, DDT and pin for the win! We got away with it in a sense. But in another sense i managed to take 2 evil looking splashes, but still moved out of the way of a third and then won the match! That's just pushing the boundaries of reality a little far. It was my fault, but we kept on going and the DDT looked pretty nasty so the pin was convincing.

From scared and nervous before and during, afterwards was a total buzz. We'd managed it!!! Sure it wasn't amazing, but it didn't stink either! Lots to improve on but it could have been so much worse! I owe most of the good things to my opponent, Priscilla. She was outstanding! Thank you so much! Here's to more battles down the line. Thanks to the people there who provided a good turnout as well. I counted at least 25 people, which considering there was hardly any promotion of the event, is pretty good.

I should be wrestling again on the 2nd March. Landmark and confirmation to follow! That event is a big one so the crowd will be bigger! Can I continue my reign of neigh's over the female division of SLW?!?! You must turn up to see!

I didn't get any photos of our match - was slightly distracted - but I'll find if anyone else did. If so, i'll put them up here.

Horses Morrisey - Undefeated!

I've visited here in RL and its so much better than its 'prim' cousin!

2008-02-13T20:46:00.006Z

Oh buggery bugger! I think we've all screamed something like that when we've been crammed onto a Japanese train or you've been wandering around Berlin and you realise that you've left your favourite hat on the bus. Travelling has its downside and that lack of space or losing your favourite hat could indeed ruin your holiday. Although you'd be a bit weird if you let it.

Now, we've all wandered aimlessly around Second Life, a little like a drunk who is looking for a stool to sit on would. It can get rather boring at times as you see the same-old type place, but with different faces and varying degrees of lag. I've spent hours wandering and logged off thinking "Well, that was boring". Well be bored no more! Step forward the folk who are recreating towns, cities and other Real World places, into LagLife. Ranging from fantastic to "This is supposed to be where?" it can certainly be more fun doing a wild tour of RealLife places than going to The Zany Funky Club, or whatever tonights dance hall is called.

Until some idiot decides image rights on buildings and towns belong to someone else and thus sues the pixels out of virtual people, it looks like the Real World in the Virtual World, will only grow. Indeed i'm thinking of building my own SL version of Eccles in Manchester (Well, actually in Salford). I don't live there myself but when I have passed through its always struck me as being a crap place. People don't visit Eccles in RL so why visit in SL? Perhaps the crime rate will be lower, but will the trackies and hoodies brigade be any less pregnant or intimidating?

SL airbrushes RL places like Esquire Magazine airbrushes a celebrity's tits. I visited a SL Liverpool and didn't get mugged once! I loved what they built, it was pretty nice and it really tried to take all Liverpool's culture and put in on a Class 5 server with little lag, but to totally exclude any tracksuit wearing 'yoof is spoiling things. I want to visit SL London and get stuck in a traffic jam. I want to visit SL Paris and get insulted by various French people. A SL Costa del Sol would be great so long as the beach is packed with British lobsters. I visited SL London, and to be fair the tube system on it didn't work properly (Although it was pretty ace) but everything else was too holiday brochure style. You could also buy land and not have to sell a Kidney to afford the mortgage payments. Tube problems aside, that's not the London I know and somewhat despise.

My favourite of all was SL Manchester as there was nothing there. They'd tried to build Modern Manchester, and SL had displayed a truth that many virtual city builders may soon realise... there's bugger all in substance the RL city they're replicating. Whereas some places make the interesting seem almost perfect, there are others that will realise that their place just doesn't have any charm or anything that outsiders may find interesting. SL cities certainly cut through a lot of the RL hype and bragging. Now, i'm not saying that RL Manchester is rubbish, just the architects of the SL Manchester have clearly forgotten the city's charm. Instead of centring their Virtual city on the Real city's industrial history, science, media and musical achievements, they instead picked out shiny 'new' buildings and tried to convert them into prims. I guess its supposed to impress people, but quite honestly, those buildings are in every developed town around the Real World so why would I visit it in SL?

In fairness; you can visit The Hacienda in another part of SL. The Hacienda being a former nightclub and certainly something the SL Manchester should have had at its heart. Back to SL Manchester and I have to ask, Where was the area recording the citys place in the world-wide cotton Industry? The Manchester Ship Canal? The kickin' indie music scene, the sporting history and even Coronation Street! With the right angle, every town in Europe could probably build a great SL area about itself. It just has to rip away the current 'highstreet' look of most towns and think "What makes this place great?". Even the crappiest of towns - yes, this includes Eccles - can fill a few thousand sq. metres with information, entertainment and fun... or you could visit SL Random Town and have a drink in a Random nightclub that has a picture of a local celebrity on the wall. I know what i'd rather do... What? Barton Aerodrome in Eccles was the original location of Mancehster's Airport and is the home of the UK's first airport control tower! Wow!! Can i walk around it?

Hair or Bald? The results are here...

2008-02-10T00:23:00.000Z

The head shaving results are in and... The hair stays!

A barn storming 3 (three) people voted in this most important of polls, and the vote for keeping my hair was unanimous. Each of those 3 (three) wonderful people who voted, wanted my hair to stay on my head. Thank you, all!

To celebrate, how about some photos of the guaranteed "haired" Horses Morrisey.

Horses - The Wrestler!

2008-02-08T18:37:00.001Z

I've got a new passtime in SL. I wanted to do something different, something i'd never do in RL. Well, I was wandering around SL - as you do - and I found Wrestling groups!

First was a 'fighting' group just for ladies. They did Kung-Fu (Looks very good!), Boxing and Wrestling. I didn't fancy the Kung Fu so I settled for wrestling. I remember watching Wrestling on the telly when I was younger and i'll openly admit that I could quite happily watch wrestling on the telly - if i caught it on - until about 3 years ago when the shows got a bit rubbish. When I say wrestling I am of course referring to WWF/WWE or whatever its called now. If I did try to watch it now I just find myself getting bored. I did watch TNA on Bravo in the UK and that was awful! In fact, the best wrestling shows i've seen on the telly recently are the smaller ones on The Wrestling Channel.

Back to SL. I'm now a wrestler! I'm a member of 2 groups and my first ever show should be on the 29th February. I don't know what part i'm playing in the show, but i'm sure it'll be ace! Once I know more i'll tell you all and give you a landmark to see Horses' wrestle.

Now I just need to come up with a name and gimmick! Any suggestions will be gratefully received.

New Poll: Should Horses go bald?

2008-02-02T01:45:00.001Z

It is time for a new poll, more than 2 votes this time please!

After my hair problems (Lag caused Baldness, read earlier entry) I found I quite liked the egg-head look. Deep down I think i'd have got fed up of being bald after half an hour, but whilst I was lagging it looked fine.

After this brush with baldness I contemplated getting a skin-head but I couldn't make my mind up. So I thought "Why not let someone else decide!" and as a consequence my new poll is born. Quite simply, you can vote on if i lose my hair or not! I fully expect lots of evil people to vote me bald (So long as more people vote this time!) so i'm prepared for that... but seriously consider if bald is the way. My many colours of hair are posted about on the blog so you'll get an idea of if this will be an improvement.

The poll is open for 9 days and I promise i'll stick by the result! If you decide that egg-head is the way then i'll post the resulting hair-cut on here, and you'll all be welcome to come see me yourself and make fun of me in virtual person. As a part of the deal, If you choose me to be bald then I will keep the look for a minimum of 2 weeks. No sneaky putting hair back on, i'll be bald for at least 2 weeks, and if i'm caught breaking it i'll be bald for 2 months. (I will allow myself to test our haircuts though, but they can't be on for longer than a couple of minutes).

Right, so the poll is open. Its on the right-hand side of the page. Go vote for me to keep my hair :D

A house update!

2008-02-02T01:36:00.001Z

House Update...

My BEACHY STYLE house is coming on. It looks a bit bobbins, but its a first effort. Its styled on a barn/stable but fits on a beach. Pictures will appear as soon as it looks passable, until then you might be able to visit by searching for "Isle of Horses".

I feel I did approach this building project in the correct way. I drew a floor plan first, and kept to that. I've now realised that my one room is way to small. What can I do? Start from scratch, increase the size or build an extension? Decisions, Decisions!

Horses

Where's my hair gone?!?!?!

2008-02-02T01:34:00.000Z

I hate LAG!!! There I was, dancing the night away and my hair vanishes! As it happened, I quite liked the bald look and might look at doing a permanent chopping of my hair :) but right then I didn't want to be bald. To (almost) quote The Stone Roses, i wanted to be adored... for my lovely red hair! I don't actually recall The Stone Roses mentioning red hair in their song, but if they had the song would have been much better. Not that it was a bad song, but "I wanna be adored... for my red hair, for my red hair, for my red hair. I wanna I wanna I wanna be adored. I wanna I wanna I wanna be adored. I wanna I-wanna I-wanna be adored. I wanna I wanna I got to be adored." would have sounded better.

That's it :)

Horses.

Putting a (Ceramic) roof over my head

2008-01-30T22:18:00.000Z

I'm building my brand new house. I was looking at pre-fabricated houses but I wanted to build something myself. Sure, it might look rubbish, but at least it'll be mine.

Firstly I was building a 'paper' house, it was just some fun and something to learn from... sadly the local fun police put a stop to that being on my land. It wasn't beachy enough.

So i've started work on my sand-friendly house. Its nothing special, the walls barely join and the roof isn't right, it's probably too small as well. Nevertheless, its my house and i'm at the texture stage now.

Once upon a visit to Germany i saw some fabulous houses with ceramic roof tiles. They looked magnificent and i'm thinking that my house would look fab with those. I'm intelligent enough to realise that my limited design skills don't reach the unit on how to draw ceramic roof tiles, so I went shopping. There must be millions of textures out there, but I couldn't find any ceramic roof tiles.

So it's off to SL Exchange... where i'm still looking for my ceramic roof tiles. If anyone knows of anywhere that sells them then please let me know!!! You'll get an invite to my house warming party :)

From feedback to other posts on here, i've noticed that those containing rude photos of myself tend to get the best feedback, therefore, here's a couple of pictures of me naked in the paper house i was building.

Pixelated to retain some decency... and quite a brilliant window!

Somewhat cheeky... but look at the work that has gone into the floor :)

Please do remember, i need to find some ceramic roof tiles. Something blue or green, so it really stands out! Thanks!!!

I love calling Horse Chat, but Speed dating is very much the future for lonely horses

2008-01-23T00:55:00.000Z

Call Horse chat now on... oh-eight-nine-one 50 50 50!

On a lonely night I often give Horse Chat a call. Its not cheap but they're all friendly. Yes, it takes over 20 minutes to finally speak to another lonely horse, but once you get to speak to them its worth it. 60 pence a minute is a little on the expensive side though.

Thankfully i've managed to reduce my chat-line outgoings by socialising at Speed Dating parties. They're a lot of fun and if everything is going badly you can apply a little gallows humour to your discussions. In RL you've got to bother putting on your best clothes, going to some horrible town where the party is and then talk to people. Speed Dating also exists in SL and its so much easier to do. No need to put on your best RL clothes - you could do it nude - and there's no need to go outside on a freezing and damp night.

There's a good old speed dating party on in Second Life every Wednesday. I do intend on being there today (23rd Jan) and every Wednesday until i finally get married. Why don't you pop along too! I cannot remember which location its at now - its in my landmarks but i cannot be arsed starting up SL - but drop me an IM (Horses Morrisey is my name!) and i'll tell you where or TP you. Lets put Horse Chat out of business. Lets all Speed Date!!!

I've been practising my lines. I'm going to introduce myself, say i'm a horse and then tell them I own land... as the photographs below prove.

I'm going to start building on my land soon and you're all invited to visit me! I'll tell you more in the future though. So far my land just has a few palm trees and a lovely Union Jack, which is there because I'm British and all the Australians and Americans seem to have their flags flying. I'm not a member of some scummer racist party or anything! (Its quite sad I have to explain that). Do you like my funky Transformers t-shirt too :)

Go Speed Dating on Wednesdays!!! This has been the worlds worst plug as i've not even told you where its at. I'll edit the post later on when I log in next ;) or just drop me a message when i'm online.

Horses.

The results are in... breakfast is being served!

2008-01-22T23:36:00.000Z

In a quite thrilling poll, the ultimate truth as to what horses eat for breakfast has been discovered. A quite magnificent turn out of 2 voted in what was ultimately a split decision. The people decided that Horses either eat an almost full English breakfast first thing, or they eat Rabbits. There's most certainly two rather strong camps of opinion here, so we're best just letting them fight it out between themselves. No riots though.

To shoot the poll out of the water, research elsewhere suggests that horses eat neither of those. I couldn't be bothered reading the entire document but a quick search for "what do horses eat for breakfast" returns this blemish of knowledge...

How much does a horse eat for breakfast? 2-4 pounds of grain + 4 pounds of hay.

That may or may not be true, but being realistic here, its not in the same cuisine group as your average visit to a Little Chef or Rabbit serving restaurant. So it looks like everyone was wrong. I hope that news doesn't shock the world too much, and any riots in disagreement can be quelled before shots are fired.

For the record, this horse either skips breakfast (naughty) or eats toast. If they could get their own way though, they'd be eating coco pops.

I bought some SL land!!!!

2008-01-20T00:07:00.000Z

Yes... I've bought some land!

I've been homeless in SL for too long, it was time to get a roof over my head! I read a few guides, decided that the Main Land wasn't for me, and started hunting on the Islands.

I set my heart on 1024 sq metres of land, but somehow managed to get 4024 sq metres! So I have my own little patch of sand, with a few palm trees and sea all around me (for a few metres at least). You're all invited to visit me once i've built something :)

Here's a quick picture of me looking proud on my empty island :)

They'll be something magnificent there soon, I just got to build it... I better get back to it then!

Horses

Meet the horse who was abandoned by cowboys

2008-01-18T23:44:00.000Z

Paula Cole once asked "Where have all the cowboys gone?". Her town obviously lacked a cowboy society. I met some cowboys in SL yesterday. There were real (SL) cowboys too! When I say cowboy i mean cowboy on a horse (not me!), not the cowboy term of being a job botcher.

The cowboys carried guns, which i believe is banned in many SL places. I went to the roughest looking nightclub in the (second) world and even they wouldn't allow weapons. Still, the responsible cowboys were behaving with their guns.

Suddenly, the Indians must have attacked their saloon because they all vanished and I was left dancing alone. Dancing alone is one of the most horrible social sensations in the world. It's like a vote of no confidence by the people who've been around you. Do I carry on dancing? Of course I do! Its the stiff-upper-lip that hits in and thinks "Sod 'em! I SHALL continue dancing without them". Good on me too. If all the solo-dancers continued to boogie, then they'd be fewer lonely people in the world (first and second).

That was a boring story... here's some photos of me dancing alone - not in the cowboys place though, these were taken on another occasion. I wasn't quite alone, but campers don't count.

...the cat doesn't count either. I'm unsure as to whether my top scared them off (my pants had a similar decoration at the back). I would love to meet the gentleman who donated the hands as they're huge!

Skirt problems

2008-01-16T23:19:00.000Z

Why can't skirts just fit? Anything that is slightly challenging either needs spandex type shorts underneath, or doesn't fit your bum! Its not a moan at the wonderful designers out there, its just a moan in general.

Hunting for good skirts is difficult in SL!

You're just a friends-list whore who should be embarrassed

2008-01-15T19:12:00.000Z

You know the feeling... You've been wandering around the shops, looking for the ideal gift for someone you don't particularly care for, when someone you don't like spots you and won't leave you alone. They have to start a conversation, if you've not seen them for a while they have to play Life Tennis. Wow, so you work for a blue chip company and have your own office! I work for the civil service and get a £17,000,000 pension when i retire (from sitting on my arse all day). Beat that, idiot head!

It's like a real-life version of facebook. Hey everyone, i've got 1,458 friends on Facebook! Sure i don't know 90% of them and many of the others just met me one time or we knew each other years ago but its still more friends that YOU!

It's like a popularity contest. Does Madam Annoying talk to you in the shop because she wants to 'catch up', or, does she just want to look like she is popular in front of other people? Does Dame Gigabyte (and number 1 candidate for identity theft) really want 1,458 friends on Facebook because she knows them and wants to remember them, or is it just some form of popularity measure? "I have more friends on Facebook, therefore i've been more successful in life". It's all nonsense!

Do I have a facebook account? Yes I do! How many friends do I have? Dozens! I started just accepting everyone who found me, especially since i could remember them. Some of the links were so tenuous though! There's one person who I knew from an old job. I worked with her for all of 2 months and even then we were in different offices. There's another who I met with friends at a party, we chatted for about 2 minutes before continuing to socialise with everyone. Then there's the people from uni, college and school. The chap who had the same university tutor as you, the random person who dropped out of college after 2 months, but you did a few History lessons together, so you're mates! There's the friends from school who you'd rather not see again, let alone speak to them.

I have a friend on Facebook who knows me from the lift (Elevator for you Americans) at college. We had a conversation! He told me how much I brightened his day up. It's a lovely thing to hear but also a little weird when he says you wore nice coats. Did my sunny aura light your day up, or just my coat? I never asked him but I was tempted. I have another 'friend' who I only remember because she hit me with a hockey stick during a game! The audacity of the woman!!! She belongs on my Hatebook list!

One of my latest friends is someone who I met on a night out. My memory of the night (and i was sober) was he spoke with my friend, and started speaking to me. We talked about the local restaurants for about 3 minutes before the three of us did a silly dance and told jokes for another 5 minutes. I then spent 2 more minutes trying to excuse myself from their company. His version was we had a great night dancing and I never gave him my mobile phone number, after i'd apparently promised it him. Unless I have a twin who immediately arrived after i'd made a run for it, he was talking rubbish. If i met him in a bar and he came out with that i'd make my excuses again (which may be rather blunt) and leave. On Facebook though, you can hype yourself up and twist things your own way. I don't so much have a great problem with it, but its annoying!

Where am I going with this? Well, I'm a hypocrite. My SL me resembles me in every way, apart from her technique with dealing with weirdos. In RL I love crazy people. If by chance you bump into me in RL, just act weird and different, we'll get on great! I don't care what the person looks like, what they wear or how they smell. If they're down to earth, honest and a little different then i'll drink and chat with them all night. They're also a cert for my Facebook friends list too :)

The hypocritical part of me is how I make friends in SL, and continually bug many of them. We don't know each other and haven't asked the questions that would let us do that, but I still talk to them like we'd grown up together. I'm even like that with normal people! Does the fact i can logout or 'mute' people make me more sociable? How about me agreeing to be friends with so many people, even when our paths probably won't cross again. I join so many groups i've no interest in. So what if you're giving away L$400 for the person who can dress most like a cat! I went to your club once, and thought it was bobbins.

As for Facebook, For someone who hates tenuous links between friends, i don't half accept a lot of people as friends. In my defence, I never approach them so i could blame it on being polite, but it still makes me hypocritical in my stance against egotistical social-networking self promotion.

I've neigh-ed for long enough. I'm off to discuss nonsense with people on SL. If you've bothered to read all this rubbish, then you're a stick-on for my friends list in SL (oh the honour!). Just give me an IM, start the conversation with the world "Tabular" ;)

Just to clear something else up, I do not work as a civil servant. I'd rather cut my face off with a pair of rusty old pliers.

A trip to the SL hairdressers... yep, I jogged there :p

2008-01-13T20:11:00.000Z

Everyone loves to have nice hair - well everyone apart from students. In SL i've found its easy to get both really nice hair and really bad hair. I don't count the style as a contributor to 'nice' and 'bad'. You are what you are, and its good to have an individual style.

If you're screaming "Horses, your hair isn't particularly original!" then i applaud your observational skills, but slap you for screaming at me! My hair falls into that category of "normal". I like to think my other bits make me less "normal". Don't judge a horse by its hair!

My hair is normal, but i think its nice. The folks who made it did a good job! So good I went back to their store today and bought myself some new colours. I like the idea of changing hair colour all the time. My shades of brown now have shades of red to alternate with.

During my daily jog around second life :) I took some photos of my shiny red hair.

I quite like it, so i don't care what anyone else thinks! Also note the lip ring to help my head look less "normal".
Red hair, lip-ring and lycra leotard! I am at the very HEIGHT of fashion :)

A funky charity evening

2008-01-13T19:24:00.000Z

SL is fab for a lot of things, one is there's always a discotheque open where you can go for a boogie. Just like many other folk in SL, I love to boogie!

On Saturday a disco i've been to a few times - and thus a member of their group - was holding a fund raising night for charity. The charity in question was Warchild. It needs all our money to help kids in war.

This was no Children in Need fund raising marathon. This was lots of weird and wonderful people, dancing the night away to an array of (s)hits, spun by a disc jockey who'd given his own time for free and couldn't enjoy the fun as much as everyone else, although maybe dj-ing was lots of fun for him.

If i'm honest i expected the total donations to be quite low, somewhere around 10,000$L at the end of the night. How wrong was I!!!! When i left - and there were a few hours left to go - the total was at 33,000$L! People can be so generous, even in SL! Just imagine how long you'd have to camp to earn that amount of cash!!! I'm not sure of the final total, but i'm guessing it'd gone up a fair bit by the close!

Maybe charities need to use SL more. They were pushing for a target of L$40,000. If we assume they got it, that's just over $150? It's an impressive total when you consider the cost of hosting the night (very little) and any costs incurred by the venue would probably be offset by the improved traffic rank they'll get, and people who'd never been there before, liking the place and coming back in the future.

I took a few photos on the night, of course i'm in them all :p Click on them below to see a bigger version.

The paparazzi are ruining their lives!

2008-01-12T19:54:00.000Z

The Paparazzi just won't leave celebrities alone! It must be awful being followed everywhere by a man with a camera. Its not like some of these celebs' make a shed loads of money!

They're just doing a regular causal topless jet-skiing lesson or walking out of a nightclub smacked off their face, when some celebrity snapper has his flasher in their face or they're lurking in the trees, just aiming up the perfect boob shot.

It must be so hard, after courting the media for so long for their own benefit, to have the same media poke their nose in when the celebs' want some peace. Seriously, I feel sorry for the z-listers!

...NAWWT! Stupid idiots need to wear swimsuits, stop smacking up and not flirt the media in the first place. They're not all guilty, but seriously, those that are... Stop whining!

Hmmm, what's this?
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...
...
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WHORE-SES GOES SKIING

Darn that Press! Where do they get off intruding our privacy like this!!!

Famous Horses

2008-01-12T19:38:00.000Z

Here's a list of famous horses:

Black Beauty
Red Rum
Mr Ed
White Lightening
Pantomime Horse
Clothes Horse
Camilla Parker Bowles

Do you know of any more?

Welcome to my box

2008-01-12T19:20:00.000Z

Hello All!
I decided to make a blog for my second life self. I find myself wanting to talk about my experiences on SL all the time but i'm not too great at explaining things when i'm dying to say something. So, i decided that i'd make a blog and talk there.

Welcome to that blog - The Horses' Box! The title is a little tongue-in-cheek, but it was too good to resist :p

My posts won't always make sense, but I don't apologise for that, it's just what comes out!

Thanks for reading,

Horses

P.S. "Hello World!"