Horses on Horses - Chapter 32: Ivan Halfpint - What a guy!

Ivan Halfpint was an inspiration to me when I first started Wrestling. Ivan was a good man, he helped train me, he was always there for me. We'd talk for hours about Wrestling and life in general. We were probably the best friends in the Metaverses.

We were such great friends we were inches from a suicide pact and inches from marriage. As it was neither happened. Ivan carried on being Ivan the commentator, wrestler and fighter. I became a Wrestling megastar and the face of Slampoo and other Metaverse brands. Sadly those eventually turned to shit and I had to find blame somewhere, because it sure as heck wasn't with me.

I'd shortlisted 4 people as my "Blame Targets". Ivan Halfpint (Sorry, Ivan. It really was either marriage or murder). Alpin Criss (Start at the top). Sidney Washborne (Of course). Paula Wilcox (She broke my neck). In the end I decided to blame Ivan and so undertook a series of underhand attacks on him.

Firstly I hired an undercover agent who's job it would be to infiltrate the then SLCW. His target was the total elimination of Ivan Halfpint. It took time and effort, but Ivan was eventually driven from SLCW. This wasn't good enough though, I wanted more pain inflicted on the bald headed scapegoat.

So I hired an actor, who was to look similar to Ivan and do a similar job to what Ivan did in SLCW. The plan was to undermine him, break his spirit and drive him from the Metaverses for good.

I couldn't find an actor good enough for this, so I hired 45 mutant cats from a pet pimp. They'd control an Ivan-Bot which looked just like a real Ivan Halfpint. Each cat survives about 3 weeks before it dies and needs to be replaced. Over the years the Numbers of cats used has been astronomical, but the success of the project has been without doubt. It's been an absolute triumph! Ivan Halfpint is gone. I actually forget why I wanted rid of him now, but yay!