One wedding and a funeral

In 1994, Hugh Grant - AKA Cunt in Specs - flapped his "gosh" onto our cinema screens with the summer smash hit! Four Weddings and a Funeral. It followed a typical supposedly middle class English twat who goes to lots of weddings, then the life and soul of the party snuffs it, he goes to his funeral and ultimately ends up getting together with the American woman. Cap it off with one of the most cringe-worthy lines in the history of cinema - "Is it raining, I hadn't noticed" - and you've got a hit on your hands. Then for afters, kick in shit 80s band Wet Wet Wet (led by their ego Marti Pellow) and you've got global domination on your hands.

Now, people loved this film... Hugh Grant became HUGE Grant... before he blew it all by hooking up with a hooker. That American women Andi Mc-something-or-other did some shampoo commercials and British Cinema was the pride of Britain again. A few years later some jobless Yorkshire scum whipped their cocks out for the local ladies to ogle at, and it made British Cinema even greater.

Well, more than 10 years on, I - Horses Morrisey - added my own little drama to the pride of Britain (not those awards the crappy newspaper gives to freedom fighters and victims of 'yoof crime). I got faked married and fake divorced all in a couple of days. A story so great it could sell out your local Odeon, if there was one seat and someone tricked a spanner into thinking the Odeon were doing a secret showing of Rambo 4 in there.

One day i'll approach some mega film person about making the movie, until then promise me you won't watch anything with Hugh Grant in. Okay?