RIP Horses

Horses Morrisey is dead. The Metaverses' Rose was found dead at her ocean side villa. It is believed she allowed a vacuum cleaner salesman to demonstrate their new upright bag-less model (Supa-Suck 890000) and she died of a massive bullshit trauma to the head and boredom. She was only 25 years of age. Horses leaves behind no family, but there is a small owl somewhere flying aimlessly around her inventory.



Horses is dead in this photo.


And she's still dead in this one.


Yep. She's dead alright.


Horses is most famous for her hugely unsuccessful haircare business ventures and high maintenance British Pubs. She once flung an innocent Horse & Biscuit pub visiting noob 800 metres in the air "for the hell of it". She will not be missed.

My 2010 Second Life Wrestling review.

Ok here's my take of SL Wrestling in 2010. I'll start with myself - because i'm self obsessed of course! - and finish with some more general observations.

2010 for Horses Morrisey (the wrestler) was all about VWE and HAWX.

VWE highlights were getting shaved bald at the Overdrive FPV and my Hardcore match a few weeks later where I got absolutely battered. Awesome awesome match.

HAWX highlights have to be the drunk match against Nanny - I love you Nanny! - and the HAWX title tournament.

So my two favourite matches...

Horses vs Elisa Riddler - Hair vs Valet.
I've posted several times about this whole feud, but I struggle to describe properly how great Ely is. She is so talented and carried my Horsey bottom to some decent matches. I got killed by lag in the FPV match but the head shaving spot at the end was brilliant.

I'm not a proud women :) If doing something silly and embarrassing like walking around wearing a whale costume or wrestling in slime will get a crowd reaction then I'm up for that. The crowd's reaction to the shaving and the reactions when my riding helmet popped off in matches afterwards made walking around bald for 2 months absolutely worth it. Maybe its a cheap way to get a reaction, but my wrestling mostly sucks so it's the best way I know of getting over.


Horses vs Nanny - Drunk Match.
This is possibly my most favourite match (that i've been in!). Nanny is amazing. She'll go down in history as one of the best. This match was so much fun. I'm sure Wrestling snobs will rubbish it, but it was just so much fun. Sure some people will remember me as the girl who vomited everywhere, but what's wrong with that? Nanny is amazing. I felt we both did really well at acting drunk and I liked the cute falling asleep spots. What we did was different. Different can be brave and it can be stupid... but it's rarely forgettable.


Other memories of Second Life Wrestling in 2010.

VWE's Production Values
VWE must have higher production values than most RL Indy feds. It's amazing how much time, effort and money goes into producing logos, arenas and the shows.




DCWF
I make no secret that I LOVE Paula Wilcox. One of my wishes in SL is to feud with her once more before I retire. We started one when I was in DCWF and it never finished. She is my SL Wrestling Hero. She is just the best. The absolute best wrestler in SL bar none. She could even carry me to a good match.


Shinja
This man is all shades of awesome. If Alpin is King of SL Wrestling then Shinja is his bezzy mate. I was speaking to him last week and stole a Sir Winston Churchill quote to describe him. He's a riddle, wrapped inside a mystery, inside an enigma. That's both inside and outside the ring too. In the ring he's one of the best. Maybe the best active male wrestler. It's hard not to get carried away with his characters. Oh and Shinja, if you're reading this, trust me, the ladies tickle downstairs when you're around. If you were shallow - which you're not - then you'd have quite a collection of ring rats on your bed post. Never change!


Last but not least... TNT.

TNT was a set of Wrestling events planned to make money for Cancer research. Second Life lost a loved citizen to the illness so the amazing people in SL Wrestling got together and put on several shows and raised a jaw-dropping amount of money for charity. The brains and heart behind this was Nanny Gothly. I've sang her praises as a wrestler but I must also praise her personally. She went above and beyond in the planning of these events. If they handed out honours in Second Life then she'd be a Dame.

To everyone who worked on and attended those events, you're beautiful, amazing and should be proud of yourselves. The TNT events brought Alpin out of retirement, had DCWF and VWE share a ring and saw Wrestling take place in an MMA ring! It really was Second Life United for a great cause. The thousands (of US Dollars!!) raised to help the battle against cancer was a signal of how amazing Second Life can be.


Right, that's enough. If you read to the end then well done. Here's hoping 2011 is a great year for SL Wrestling too.

Peace & F**kin'
Horses xxxx

Shit and other swear words

Welcome to 2011, my 4th year of Second Life (TM) (R) (ARSE).

Resolutions are 99% shit, but let's pretend they're useful. Here's my Second Life (TM) (R) (ARSE) resolutions.

1. Waste less money on rubbish.
2. Wrestle more.
3. Wrestle less.
4. Wrestle Fest.
5. Have much more sex.
6. Have less sex.
7. Wear fewer clothes.
8. Wear more clothes.
9. Retire.
10. Own a yacht (see 1.).

I'm going to focus on Resolution 1. I'm confident I can be successful in that.

Right i'm off to buy some ill-fitting SL Lingerie. It's a bargain at 900L$

Peace & Fuckin'

Horses xxxxxx.

SL Wrestling Legend makes surprise return!!! (And I ruined everything by wrestling her)

OMG OMG OMG. Nanny Gothly just returned to SL!!! I'm like a kid on Christmas Day!!!

I got to wrestle her on HAWX - Scorn tonight. How amazing is that!!!!!

Nanny is one of the greats. There aren't many, but she's one of them. She's in the exclusive club with Paula Wilcox, Vendetta, Misaki, Kat and a couple others.

It was such an honour to wrestle Nanny on her surprise comeback. I hope everyone who saw the match enjoyed it. HAWX put on an amazing card tonight. It's been quite an eventful week but things are heading in the right direction now, I do hope a couple of wrestlers return though.

To put on a card as good at HAWX did tonight shows how many good people they have working there. The match we followed was simply awesome. Thank goodness for the excitement Nanny created, otherwise bobbins Horses would have been wrestling during the crowds unofficial toilet break.

Did I say bobbins? I mean amazing :D

Peace & Fuckin'

Horses.

My hair is back

Deal with my this smelly haters. After several difficult weeks my hair has finally grown back. A wonderful growth spurt turned me from amazing Horses to amazing Horses with hair. I may or may not have used Science to help encourage the growth spurt. Science is cool.

Sorry you can't be as amazing as me.

The End.

A lecture: The hard work that goes into planning a SL wrestling storyline

After 2 months of staying away from it, I've finally decided to watch my match on the VWE Overdrive FPV against Elisa Riddler. What should have been an amazing night for me is still tinged with frustration.

For several weeks myself and Ely worked hard outlining and executing this Hair vs Valet angle, which was mostly written in advance.

The match makes me slightly sad because I got defeated by lag and animation delays towards the end. It ruined the match. A poor worker may blame their tools, but when you see animations 10 seconds+ after they actually fire and when you can barely move, the Metaverse's aren't being particularly fair to you.

I'm a geek when it comes to kayfabe in Wrestling. I believe wrestlers should live the gimmicks to a certain degree. This means staying in character around the arena, walking around with bandages on if you've been injured and staying bald for 2 months if you've just lost a hair stipulation. So what i'm going to publish now slightly contradicts those beliefs.

Before myself or Ely dropped an elbow in our storyline, we worked on how it'd go from beginning to end. Below is the notecard that was written before we started.

Ideas of how the proposed Hair vs Valet angle could pan out.

I've put lots of ideas down and split them into parts. There could be more than 1 part on one show, and of course they're just ideas. We could go with some of them or none at all.

Part 1. (Completed)

Horses & Ely are involved in a match where Horses injures Ely by temporarily blinding her with some hairspray.

Part 2.

After a match, Horses cuts promo. She's moaning about bombshells as usual and saying that as she beat two of the finest female wrestlers last week, she had no intention of wrestling against the "bimbo" they'd asked her to wrestle but she was forced too. But she's going to tell them all a story... Ely interrupts. She beats Horses up. Horses manages to escape before she can take a bad beating. Ely gets face pops in the ring.

Ely is in the ring saying that Horses has no respect, calls her names, etc etc and challenges Horses to get back in the ring. From outside the ring, Horses say's she doesn't have any respect for Ely and she won't wrestle her because she's half-blind and Horses doesn't believe in fighting against the disabled. Horses leaves.

Part 4.

Ely wrestles a match and wins. Horses attacks her after the match. She cuts a very short promo about why she attacked Ely. She says she's decided to stop talking and start acting.

Part 5.

Horses wrestles a match. She's does some moves that result in the other wrestler being cornersat. She goes and attaches her hairspray and says she's not interested in wins, nobody takes any notice of them, instead she's going to send out the loudest action she can by taking someones eyes. She goes to spray her in the face but Ely runs down for the save. She punches horses a little. Horses makes a cowards escape before she can get beaten up. She sprays her hairspray into the air and mocks Ely from the ramp.

Part 6. STUNT GRANNY.

Horses in match/promo. End result is Horses' spraying her hairspray into a stunt granny's (plants) face who is ringside.

Part 7.

Ely promo (maybe after match). She say's that Horses' blinding that fan/stunt granny was disgusting. She doesn't understand how she didn't get fired. Maybe she can accuse horses of bribing the stunt granny so she wouldn't press charges against XWA. She also announces that (an authority figure) has decided that this feud needs to be settled and the only way of doing that is by them two of them wrestling.

Horses comes out. She says she'd be delighted to wrestle Ely but she's not going to because it's not worth her time. She has higher targets than beating "some blind whore who is only talented enough to be a valet and has no place in a wrestling ring". She agrees that the feud needs to end and says she's willing to draw a line underneath it all. She'll forgive Ely for all the bad things she's done. Horses says she's had a ceasefire agreement drawn up which promises that, if Ely stops being so pathetic then she'll stop blinding idiots. She says she's already signed it and says all Ely has to do is sign it and it'll be legally binding. She hands Ely the contract/ceasefire agreement (which is on a clip board). Ely could fake she's about to sign it before hitting Horses with it. Horses escapes the ring. Ely shouts a challenge to Horses.

Part 8.

Horses (with security guards) comes to the ring and announces that what Ely did to her last week was the actions of a coward. Horses brought solutions to the table and Ely spat on them. A wrestling match was never the solution. Horses has had a million wrestling matches and afterwards she still wanted to kill the woman she's just beaten. Wrestling Ely would just increase the hatred Horses' has for her, afterall Ely is just a pathetic valet. Their disagreement needed a contractual ending that suits both parties and she says the ceasefire was that. She offers the contract again.

Ely comes to the ring but stands outside. She calls Horses a coward, a bully and a wrestler who only gets booked because she's living off former glories. She says Horses hasn't done anything for 2 years apart from moan and sell haircare products. Horses goes on some rant about her history (zzzz) and calls Ely a valet again. She goes on to say Ely is a poor valet at that. She says that her psychiatrist suggested she get herself a valet to take her frustrations out on. Horses says she was going to ask Ely if she's be her temper valet but realised she'd be too shit at it. Ely trys to get to Horses but security guards stop her.

Part 9.

Ely cuts a promo where she announces she has her own solution and a contract of her own. She says she wants to shut Horses up so badly she'd be willing to become her valet if she loses in a match against her. Horses comes to the ring carrying the hairspray. She says the idea of having Ely as her valet is tempting, but she has wasted enough time with her already so she's going to just finish her career now by completing the job she almost did several weeks earlier. She goes to spray her but Ely beats her to the punch. Locks her in a hold somehow and grabs the hairspray. She says she'll blind Horses right now if she doesn't sign the contract. After some arguing Horses signs to a match where if she wins, Ely will become her valet.

Part 10.

Ely shows off the contract. Announces the contract says she could pick any date for the contract and she picks right now. Horses comes down to the ring and says she isn't ready to wrestle. Ely tells her to stop moaning and get in the ring. She points out the contract says she has too, if she doesn't the consequences could be bad for Horses. Horses says she doesn't care and walks off.

Part 11.

Horses takes part in a regular match. Afterwards Ely comes down. She tells Horses that she was warned there would be consequences to her breaking their match contract, she'd been speaking with XWA management all week and together they've found a solution. Horses will be fired and black-balled from every wrestling organisation in the metaverses, she'll also be sued by XWA for breach of match agreement if she doesn't wrestle Ely.

Horses shrugs and says she'll wrestle her. Big deal, etc. Ely then announces that the consequence is that she gets to pick the stipulation for the match. Ely teases hardcore matches, ladder matches, bra and panties matches, etc before saying she hates Horses so much she wants to live on the edge as it'll mean she'll never get complacent. So she wants to keep the stipulation that if she loses that means she'll be Horses valet for 6 weeks. BUT if Horses loses she wants something of hers. The obvious choice would be her hairspray because thats what she does her damage with - but her being a valet against a hairspray can isn't really a fair bet. So she kept on thinking and realised that if Horses doesn't have any hair, she won't need any hairspray. She announces that their match will be a no-dq match. Valet Career vs Hair match. If Horses wins then Ely will valet her for 6 weeks. If Ely wins then she gets to shave Horses bald. Horses flips out. Says no way. Ely points out she doesn't have an option. The contract has already been agreed. The only thing she can do is walk away from XWA but then she'll never wrestle again and get sued. Ely leaves. Horses cries.

Part 12.

Horses cuts a promo building up the match but says the stipulation is nothing short of an assault. She's been away thinking of possible alternative stipulations. Since Ely was nearly blinded she suggests a blindfold match as it'd give Ely an advantage as may make the match more even. Horses gets cut off by Ely who says the match is written in stone. There is no changing it. If Horses doesn't show up then her Second Life is all but finished.

Ely has her match. Horses watches from ringside. Before the finish Horses comes into the ring and beats up Ely. Ely turns things around and puts Horses in a sleeper. Ely asks the crowd if they'd like to see Horses' new haircut start tonight. Crowd should say yes :) Ely gets some clippers but before she can cut her hair a guy comes down and knocks Ely down. The two of them write "horses' valet" or another slur on Ely.

Part 14.

Horses introduces the guy who saved her last week to the crowd. She says she's hired herself a personal bodyguard who will do anything for Horses. He'll take a bullet for horses... he'll even lose his hair for Horses. Horses says she's been negotiating with XWA officials all week and she's on the verge of having the stipulation changed so if she loses - which she won't - her bodyguard will lose his hair.

Ely has her match. Horses & Bodyguard sit ringside. Horses goes to spray Ely in the face with her hairspray but she moves and the bodyguard gets it instead. Horses runs off. Ely cuts the bodyguards hair off and tells horses that her insurance policy doesn't have any hair to lose now and she'll see her for their match.

Part 16.

Horses & Bodyguard are in the ring. Horses says Ely is going to get fired for what she did to the bodyguard. Ely stands on the ramp and says she isn't, etc. Horses then cuts a promo saying she is more disgusted in her useless bodyguard though, so she's demoted him from bodyguard to valet and since Ely is here she can see an example of what it'll be like when shes Horses valet for 6 weeks. Horses humilates the bodyguard by making him do tricks like a dog would and say stuff that insults himself and praises Horses. Ely laughs at Horses and says she should stop worrying about her hair and start worrying about the match.

The Match.

A normal no-dq match. Spots could induce Horses hitting Ely with the hairspray can and several near falls for both. Ely wins clean and Horses gets her head shaved.

Aftermath.

Horses wears lots of silly hats and maybe some wigs. In a series of matches Ely can pull them off. etc.

Those dedicated enough who saw the storyline unfold will notice that the final spots were somewhat rushed. Some parts were cut and others were merged together. The bodyguard - Dirk - had his role reduced and the Stunt Granny never made it onto a show :(

So why post this? This isn't intended to be an Exposed! Pro-Wrestling's greatest secrets nonsense (for the record, the Stunt Granny was never going to wink at me after I did the spray attack). I just want to demonstrate that Wrestlers in Second Life don't just turn up on the day and blag the match. We don't throw the stories together 10 minutes before the show.

The hard work that goes into the arenas, stages and animations are there for all to see, but sometimes the work that goes into the story lines isn't that clear. Elisa Riddler is one of the best Wrestlers in Second Life and working with her on a project like this was a dream. The notecard above was just the first of many we drew up together. Promo's were written, the storyline grew and shrunk! It took a while to get to the finale, but when we got there it was great (lag excluded).

For anyone who enjoyed it, thank you. For those who didn't, at least you now know we didn't fail you through a lack of planning.

Thanks for reading. I promise something more fun/ruder next time.

Peace & Fuckin'

Horses xxx

Horses loses Hair in tragic wrestling stipulation. Citizens of the Metaverse express delight

As all my wonderful fans will know, I'm a superstar Metaverse wrestler. If you speak to anyone in the Metaverses and ask them to name a female Wrestler they'll say... Well they'd probably say "I don't know any", but that isn't the point. The point is... the point is... The point is that being bald is bobbins.

I had a Hair vs Valet match against Elisa Riddler. She's a wrestler. Sadly she's better than me and this egg-head, 3rd tit look is the tragic outcome for brave, courageous, proud, respectful, wonderful, amazing, super, nice-smelling, has great taste, Horses Morrisey. I lost. I had my head shaved in front of a packed sim. It was embarrassing. I hate Elisa Riddler for it. I hate her.

I've spent 3 weeks at a Hair Farm, trying to get my hair to grow back faster. Every time it started to grow back I'd add some chemical to speed the growth and it'd all fall out again. I've decided to let things happen naturally now.

I'd swear revenge but right now I cannot be arsed. How many times do you need to get stung on the nose before you stop sniffing the Wasps nest?

Thank you for reading. TNA sucks.