SL Wrestling - My Kingdom for a Horses, An article by Norris Norris

I've copied and pasted Norris Norris' latest crap about me. I just want to say I hate him. He is a hack, a liar and has never worked a match in his Second Life.

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SL Wrestling - My Kingdom for a Horses

SL Wrestling dishwasher Horses Morrisey sat down with SL Wrestling's Biggest Blogger, 'The Difference' Norris Norris, in a set of Interviews for Second Lifestyle magazine 'This SLife'. Today's is about The SL Wrestling community.

I'm Norris Norris and if you follow SL Wrestling there's no doubt you'll know me. Sadly the chances are that the people reading this article are more interested in Hunts and RLV than they are the joys of Second Life Wrestling. This series of articles are my attempt to finally tear the hymen that still exists between the SL Wrestling community I love, and the community of beautiful avatars who have never heard of it.

I searched high and low for a superstar that I felt best represents the SL Wrestling scene. I couldn't find one. But I did manage to sit down with SL Wrestling 'Rent a Quote' and washed up reject, Horses Morrisey. I'll point out now, you can pretty much ignore everything she says, just pay attention to me.


Norris: Horses, I remember quite vividly your debut on the first ever SLCW show. It was a terrible match, the worst on the show. I get shivers down my spine when I think that had the crowd not shown as much patience as they did and hung around for the subsequent and better matches, you could have killed SL Wrestling before it'd even started.

Horses: Norris, that isn't how I remember it. I remember a competitive match that I won. Priscilla wasn't the best, but we started that show off splendidly. Alpin said so.

Norris: Didn't you botch the ending?

Horses: ....

Norris: Twice.

Horses: Maybe, but this was new for everyone. Nowadays wrestlers go through so much more training. Our training at the start was how to put on the HUD and now to run a gesture.

Norris: You didn't really get better with time though. I remember writing in the first edition of SL Wrestling Exclusive that you politicked yourself into the position of first SLCW Women's Champion. This upset you and your reaction was to abuse me in a drunken telephone call at 3am.

Horses: No comment.

Next I pressed Horses on her thoughts about the SL Wrestling community.

Horses: Community holds a special place in my heart. People y'know coming together to make one big person. A giant melting pot. No not a giant melting pot, that's racist. It's like everyone is the bestest of friends apart from a few who'll tell you there's more arguing than there actually is.

Norris: Like Family?

Horses: But with interbreeding.

Norris: So the SL Wrestling community is a collective of interbred bickerers?

Horses: I didn't say that. You're twisting my words.

Norris: So you agree with my statement?

Horses: No.

Norris: No means Yes?

Horses: No!

Norris: No means Yes. Bagsies No returns.

Horses: Absolutely Not.

Norris: All negatives mean positives bagsies no returns.

Horses: Can we change the subject?

Norris: You want to talk more about this?

Horses: ....

Norris: Think about your answer now.

Horses: Yes.

Norris: Okay, we'll change subjects. Just to clarify though, In your opinion the SL Wrestling community are a collective of interbred bickerers. THINK about your answer!

Horses: ...Yes.

Norris: Yes what?

Horses: Yes, the SL Wrestling community is a collective of interbred bickerers.

Norris: Disgusting. What a disgusting thing to say.

Horses: But you...

Norris: I had my fingers crossed.

Finally I wanted to press Horses on how she thought the SL Wrestling Community could improve it's image to the outside Metaverse.

Horses: Well the product we offer is awesome. It's the most spectacular form of entertainment in the Metaverses. Its sport, its drama, its live action, its razzmatazz, its roleplay, its cruel, its happy, its great to watch. Even if your opinion of Pro-Wrestling in RL is low, in SL it is a different thing. Its just... I don't have the words. I just love it and everyone in the community does.

Norris: But the more controversial aspects of our community must damage our reputation to the outside?

Horses: Everyone has their arguments. It makes us normal.

Norris: Does it?

Horses: I believe so.

Norris glares

Horses: The outside community do attend shows too. It is a myth that this is a gated community. Many federations make attempts to extend and we're attracting lots of new people every week. Will there be another big bang and numbers double or treble? Who knows. It has happened before so it could happen again. It won't be for the want of trying.

Norris: Big Bang? There is no religion in SL Wrestling?

Horses: I am not commenting on religion.

Norris: Sidney Washborne was a Wrestling God, No?

Horses: I respect Sidney's impact in SL Wrestling. When the final history is written he'll get a lot of mentions.

Norris: So SL Wrestling is dead?

Horses: I didn't say that.

Norris: But your mind is focused on its final history. The closing Chapter. The summary. Why aren't you more focused on a blossoming future?

Horses: I am. I'm just saying that Sidney Washborne had a huge affect on SL Wrestling. A good affect.

Norris: What is your affect?

Horses: I think i've played my part.

Norris: Your part in what?

Horses: I've wrestled.

Norris: So when Superstars email me and say you're generally below average and divisive?

Horses: I won't comment on other peoples opinions.

Norris: You're avoiding questions.

Horses: Yes.

And that's where the Interview with Horses ended. In my next Interview with her she'll share her opinions on the more controversial matters in SL Wrestling, like gimmicks which may inadvertently instigate a War.

Norris Norris

Norris Norris writes the weekly SL Wrestling Blog 'SL Wrestling Exclusive'. It's been going 5 years now and has had over 67,000,000,000,004 page views.

Horses on Horses - Chapter 109: Put the Slampoo on Ice

As you'll no doubt be well aware by now, my life has been a struggle, a triumph, a raging success and almost certainly better than yours. I've had to fight for all my numerous successes, which again will almost certainly out-number yours. There is one area of my life which hangs down like a wet Wednesday. That area is Slampoo.

Slampoo should have been a massive success. The vast majority of people in the Metaverses have rubbish hair. What they needed was a good Shampoo and the scientists behind Slampoo believed they'd found the formula to such a product. What they needed was a legitimate megastar to endorse their product, this is where I come in.

Now as you'll already know, I won't just put my name to any old rubbish. Yes, the list of products i've endorsed may be long, but they're all good products. As well as being a great Wrestler, I also consider myself a Certificate for quality. Basically, if you see that brand on Horses' Wrestling outfit, then you know it's good. My seal of approval... A Horses of Approval.

Slampoo though was a massive failure. Despite a huge advertising campaign and the millions they were paying me, there was one huge problem - the product was crap. Utter bobbins. It made hair worse. Some people said their hair fell out after using it!

They made the mistake of giving out free samples, people would try them, realise the product was rubbish and then i'd get abuse at Wrestling shows. Worse still, they'd give samples out at shows to people who knew it was a shit product, and irate fans would throw or squirt them at me.

Now Money is nice, but when some orange noob has just called you a Horsey Bitch and Squirted Slampoo Rotherham Mint in your face outside SLCW on Russo Sim a line has been crossed! I WENT SCATTY! I told the Slampoo people to sort their terrible product out immediately.

Now to their credit they did eventually come out with Slampoo 2, which had a new colour scheme on the bottles and was a bit better. But before they could do the patch up job on Slampoo I had gotten so angry I slammed their product publicly. Everything I said was right, but it didn't stop the scumbags canceling my massive contract with them and them eventually getting all the money they'd paid me back.

So all the advertising, degrading of myself and angry-public-slampoo-free-sample-facials i'd gotten were for nothing. I hate the idiots who made Slampoo. HATE them. It was rubbish for Metaverse Hair.

Horses' SL Wrestling Dirtsheet which doesn't have a name yet

I've decided to break Kayfabe and start an SL Wrestling Dirt  Sheet. Dunno if it's going to be called Horses' Dirty Sheets or Inside Horses' Box... or perhaps something classier. Enough of silly names and down to serious business. I put out some messages for Serious Pro Wrestling Questions. I got some back, I've picked out one from Self proclaimed SL Pro-Wrestling Scoopmeister Norris Norris, who writes...

Horses, Firstly I read your Interview with Ty and felt you came across very poorly. You neglected to mention several feuds where you were carried. Anyway, this isn't the reason i'm contacting you. I wish you to disclose your opinion on the size difference between the very large DCWF Wrestling Ring and the slightly smaller Rings used by VWE, HAWX and other SL Wrestling organisations. Also, to my highly trained eye it looks like the VWE Ring is much higher than the DCWF Ring, does this affect "spots" you and the other Workers do?


Yours, Norris Norris - SLPWScoops

Thank you for your question, Norris Norris. Yes the DCWF Ring is large, probably larger than the VWE ring and larger than the HAWX ring, but not significantly enough to cause a Worker any issues or force us to change our style. Should the ring be a few metres smaller or larger, then we'd have to alter rope running techniques and other things a mark geek like you wouldn't understand.


You say, according to your highly trained eye, the VWE Ring is much higher than the DCWF Ring. Has Honey Bluntz been smoking there or something! Please Norris Norris, If it is higher, it is slightly higher and it makes no difference. I and others don't suffer Metaverse Vertigo and certainly wouldn't over a few centremetres.


Thanks for your question, Norris Norris. Do feel free to send in another.

Ty Interviews a Horses

So being the Number One Wrestler in the Metaverses, you'd expect me to be Number One on Tyress the Nova's list of Interviewee's for her Blog... well I wasn't. I think I was 20-something. But they say the best things happen in your twenties. I don't know who "they" are, but on this occasion "they" know what they're talking about.

It's all here! tyressthenova.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/novas-interview-with-horses.html

It's my life story... kind of. I forgot lots. I also forgot to mention and thank Sugarcube Woller for all he has done. The Interview didn't finish until nearly 6am my time and even later for Ty.

Read it, if you're bored. There's also lots of other interviews on there. You'll find Ty's blog on this Blog's Blogroll, where its been for ages. Read it!!!!

Horses on Horses - Chapter 32: Ivan Halfpint - What a guy!

Ivan Halfpint was an inspiration to me when I first started Wrestling. Ivan was a good man, he helped train me, he was always there for me. We'd talk for hours about Wrestling and life in general. We were probably the best friends in the Metaverses.

We were such great friends we were inches from a suicide pact and inches from marriage. As it was neither happened. Ivan carried on being Ivan the commentator, wrestler and fighter. I became a Wrestling megastar and the face of Slampoo and other Metaverse brands. Sadly those eventually turned to shit and I had to find blame somewhere, because it sure as heck wasn't with me.

I'd shortlisted 4 people as my "Blame Targets". Ivan Halfpint (Sorry, Ivan. It really was either marriage or murder). Alpin Criss (Start at the top). Sidney Washborne (Of course). Paula Wilcox (She broke my neck). In the end I decided to blame Ivan and so undertook a series of underhand attacks on him.

Firstly I hired an undercover agent who's job it would be to infiltrate the then SLCW. His target was the total elimination of Ivan Halfpint. It took time and effort, but Ivan was eventually driven from SLCW. This wasn't good enough though, I wanted more pain inflicted on the bald headed scapegoat.

So I hired an actor, who was to look similar to Ivan and do a similar job to what Ivan did in SLCW. The plan was to undermine him, break his spirit and drive him from the Metaverses for good.

I couldn't find an actor good enough for this, so I hired 45 mutant cats from a pet pimp. They'd control an Ivan-Bot which looked just like a real Ivan Halfpint. Each cat survives about 3 weeks before it dies and needs to be replaced. Over the years the Numbers of cats used has been astronomical, but the success of the project has been without doubt. It's been an absolute triumph! Ivan Halfpint is gone. I actually forget why I wanted rid of him now, but yay!

Horses on Horses - Sample Chapters coming soon

As my great fans know, I have a wonderful book out called Horses on Horses. It's sold lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of copies, but the time has come for me to publish some chapters on my Blog in an attempt to drive sales/have pot shots at people I don't like.

They're coming soon. You can also pick up some sample chapters and the Introduction at The Horse and Biscuit.

Unite Against Dazzlers

Quickly.
I have a blog entry I've been working on for ages about the events of Wrestlefest IV. I will finish and publish it, but it was a pretty special night for me and I want to do a reasonable job of it. Hopefully I'm still champion by the time I finish it.

Onto my main point.
Those darn DCWF Dazzlers. Have you seen them! I decided to reward their coordination and dancing skills with a shot at the DCWF Women's Championship. How do they repay me? Insults! Lots of them to. Do my bosses protect their Champion? No. They hang her out to dry whilst some spandex freak read out a load of stereotype based insults. It was like something out of WCW. Who could have come up with this.

The Dazzlers will pay for this. We are going to Unite Against Dazzlers. There will be broken Dazzlers all over Slam City. Let's be clear here. The DCWF Dazzlers look like they're convicts on The Running Man. Well I'm a stalker. I'm Sub Zero and make no mistake there's no Butcher of Bakersfield amongst their Numbers. The only uprising happens from the Wrestlers when they Unite Against Dazzlers. It hits the spot.

Champion's Plexi Bed Shocker

Those f**king tabloids cannot give me a day off. This one is taken from another Metaverse Sunday Rag...

...not hours after Metaverse Wrestler Horses Morrisey had defeated Nanny Gothly in DCWF's Wrestlefest IV Slam-tacular Event, she was once again shaming herself, and again with a Metaverse Lifeguard.

Our Exclusive Photos show the couple hot at it, with the Plexi Awards Horses Morrisey had won earlier in the night also on the bed. 

...our Photographer attempted to get a comment off the couple, but he tragically fell from his ladder to his death. He absolutely did not try to get at the couple, and they absolutely did not hit him on the head with a Plexi. The Plexi shaped dent in his head is from the surprise 4th Plexi that Horses won that nobody else knows about, which wasn't on the bed, but was by the Pool and that the Photographer landed on. 

They make me sick. What I do with a lifeguard/doctor, Plexi awards, Bed and after winning the DCWF Women's Title for the first time in nearly 4 years is up to me. No barrel scraping Metaverse Tabloid is going to ruin it. Oh and the Photographer isn't dead, he just needs to Rebake... idiots!

Wrestlefest IV - 2 Days away

We're just days away now from Wrestlefest IV. This Saturday I finally get my DCWF Women's Championship shot. A one-on-one PPV title shot against Nanny Gothly.

I've wrestled countless Wrestling matches in Second Life now, but this one will be the biggest. This is the biggest stage, the biggest prize and the greatest pressure.

The match is a "City Limits" match. This simply means there are No count-outs and the wrestlers are free to Wrestle anywhere in Slam City. The match can only be won using Pinfall or Submission and has to be won in the ring. The referee can also Disqualify a wrestler for using weapons or not using the World in its natural state - for example, it's legal to throw your opponent into a barrier, but it'd be illegal to break the barriers up and hit them with it. The title only changes hands with a pin or submission decision.

The build-up has been intense. Nanny is one of the best Wrestlers in the Metaverses. I've tried everything to get the upper-hand but early on she was stealing the show against me every week. At Blizzard, when it looked like I had the Championship won in the Elimination Chamber match, she kicked out, and then denied me my moment and Slammed me from the top of the Chamber. My next memory was opening my eyes, the ring bell going. I'd lost.

A few weeks later, On a Christmas Showdown we were having an exhibition match, I wanted to make an example out of her on the Entrance Pipes on the ramp at the old Arena. Instead she kicked me off them and then elbow dropped me from the top.

How many times does the Champion have to break me in half? But I was going to learn. So I decided i'd ground her. I attacked her during a Warzone in January. I de-bricked the 'infamous' Sidney Bear. I've destroyed a Knee of hers. I know she now claims it's recovered, but I know it's ruined.

I put Nanny on the shelf for weeks. In those weeks I went on an undefeated run. Beating Heidih, Tara and Misaki. But then she returned. She attacked me from behind. I noticed a limp.

Today during an unfortunate defeat to Scarlette, Nanny claimed she's fully recovered. She cannot be. I've got proof that her knee was destroyed only 4 weeks ago. I know she's an American Athlete, but even she wouldn't inject so much fruit juice into her Knee, that it'd grow a replacement within 4 weeks, and if she did, it'll probably crumble after a few kicks from me.

No. Nanny is finished. I am sure of it. Yes. I'm sure. No matter what she claims. This Saturday at Wrestlefest IV, in the City Limits match I will finally have my moment.

Don't miss the action. The days events start at 10:30 AM on Slam City, with the Wrestlefest PPV starting at Midday SLT.